Elmer, We Hardly Knew You

Did you know I have the best readers ever? It’s true! Ya’ll are so super nice and helpful all the time!

For instance, thanks to you, I now have insight as to wtf is going on in my game which I had no flippin’ clue about. I would like to share these tangy nougats of information so that this knowledge may be handed down from simmer to simmer so that they may learn from my personal failings and glitches! Avoid these pitfalls people!

1) Disappearing Butler Act: According to Robotdinosaur (which is a kickass screen name btw) .. I have to set their bed every time the game is restarted. I was going to hunt Wadsworth II down in town and force kill her on principle, as I had done with Wadsworth I when he left.. but I couldn’t find her. She is safe.. for now..

2) Freak-out Loop: Goatster96 mentioned that the freak out loop might be caused by Andie being a simbot hybrid. I can definitely see that.. since it always seems to happen when she’s around. Not to mention this other repetitive thing:

Chroma: “You’re so repulsive Andie! Go play in your room where no one has to actually see you!”

Gurnie: “Chroma! Be nice to your sist..”

Gurnie: “DEAR GOD! You’re right.. so hideous!! Andie.. go to your room!”

Chroma: “Told ya so.”

Andie: “It’s because I’m part robot isn’t it? ISN’T IT!? I HATE YOU TECHNOLOGY!”

I knew that was going to get old real quick.. so I dropped in a mod to remove the simbot reaction. It’s outdated but I think it’s working out so far. Maybe the freak outs will be less frequent too. Spoiler: They aren’t.  D:

Still working on that LTW, Gurnie invites the next ranked chess opponent over. Lo and behold it’s my simself’s deep-fried grandson.. Ramon.

Gurnie: “Check-mate. Thanks for playing, now get off my porch.”

Ramon: “You’re not even going to invite me in?”

Gurnie: “Hell no, you’re covered in soot and who knows what else.”

Ramon: “But I..”

Gurnie: “No. Out.”

Gurnie got the free vaction pop-up, and since there are no toddlers in the house this time, it seemed ok to send her and Mike off for some time alone together.

Gurnie: “Hey Paparazzi lady.. make sure to get pictures if the kids throw a party.”

Paparazzi: “Y..you’re actually talking to me!? I mean.. of course! I’d be glad to! Can we maybe hang out when you get back?”

Gurnie: “No.”

While Mike and Gurnie are on their merry way to an unknown destination.. it seems like a good opportunity to spotlight one of the simself families in town!

I got this idea from Megan, in her CFGL she does a neat job of showing simselves and their families which I think is really fun to look at.

In the last chapter I mentioned Ronny was about to have another baby, which is his 4th. This wouldn’t be a big deal except there are already great-grandkids in the family.

So.. here’s where the baby Lois-fruit falls on the Kelly tree:

As to the rest of the family.. well, I haven’t been following them too closely as of late so let’s do a little inspection to get an idea of who is who.

I switched to a copy of the game so I could move around to the different families and see what they are up to. Let’s start with Ronny, since he’s the oldest living relative..

For some reason, I thought Ronny and Maureen were married, but they are just boyfriend/girlfriend according to the relationship panel. Still, they live together in a house on fancy-pants hill along with Maureen’s son (Ezra) by Gustavo Smiles-Atkins. That orange hair color of Maureen’s is passed down from her great-great grandpa: Max Derp. Not only is this family related to the Derps, but Maureen’s mom is Starla, so the kids are related to her, Rochelle and Sabrina. It’s a trifecta of win if you ask me. Too bad being related to the Derps cancels out.

Sabrina’s spanish speaking child Consuela has been long dead, but she had a son, Kurtis. He’s also dead.. but HE had 2 girls. Tonia & Trisha AKA the Big Titty Twins. Seriously.. look at those things.

These two live together in a nice apartment downtown. They are also great-grand kids of Thindra’s simself. It’s hard to tell if there is any family resemblance since I can’t stop staring at those bazooms to get a good look at either of their faces.

Ronny’s other, much, much older kids are Nicole, Clifton & Juan.

Clifton and Juan haven’t reproduced thus far.

Clifton lives alone in a mansion on the hill.. I think he might be a bit of an Ebenezer. He also hates his father with a passion.

Juan used to do maintenance work, until one day he became trapped inside an elevator shaft. He’s been there ever since. No one cares about him.

Nicolle is a lead actress, and lives alone. She’s very fond of her brother Clifton.

She had one son, Donovan.

Donovan used to be with Specula, but they broke up after she wouldn’t stop blaming him for clogging their toilet. She moved out taking their daughter Shayla with her. In the meantime, he started dating Jill Stormcaller-wise. She just gave birth to his second child, Khalid. No picture was needed though, since he’s still a boring cocoon-baby.

However, here’s Donovan’s daughter by Specula, Shayla.

Thus, we conclude our journey down the Kelly family line! Of course.. as soon as I switched back to my normal save file.. this popped up:

Looks like that was enough to get them to tie the knot though!

I think I might do one of these little simself family updates each chapter.. what do you think? I’ll just go in the general order of when I put them in town, since I’ve staggered them throughout the generations.

While the Mike and Gurnie were gone to their mystery Time-Share vacation somewhere in Unselect-able land, the girls finally had a chance to cut loose, get wild and partay!

They did none of those things.

Chroma went to school, while Andie, is homeschooled by my game since she’s never required to go. Not necessarily a bad glitch though considering, it’s probably best she doesn’t go to public school.

She’s got a few… uh, special tendencies.

Go go gadget rocket-boots!

She dreams in binary:

Her needs are that of a simbot.. no hygiene necessary!

and take a look at her traits..

Not entirely sure where Pyromaniac came from, but that’s kind of awesome! She can set things on fire and be immune to it!

Why do you never go home when you invite another kid over Chroma?!

Andie picked up A Magnetic Attraction thinking it might give her some insight as to why random metal bits sometimes stick to her. Unfortunately for her, the book had nothing to do with actual magnets.

Andie: “What’s an ‘O-face’ Jiga-Watt?”

Jiga-Watt: “Oh that’s easy. You just put a donut on your face to make an ‘O’ shape, like this!”

Much later..

Chroma: “Hey sis. Did cousin Bubba come by?”

Andie: “Is that the guy I hosed off the porch? I thought he was a rapist.”

Chroma: “How do you even know what a rapist is?!”

Andie: “From mom’s romance books. Anyway.. it’s 8 o’clock. Time for bed.”

Chroma: “What the hell kind of romance books is mom reading?!”

Chroma then worked on one of her ugly paintings before going to bed herself.

Gurnie and Mike return home expecting a teen party disaster.. but none was to be found. I think they look a little disappointed.

Auto-prom! Since I can’t have her ask anyone.. not that she knows anyone to ask anyway.. she goes stag. I think she looks lovely!

German Talon-Striker: Helloooo nurse!

NO. You have stupid hair and you’re related. Also, your nipples look weird in that shirt.

In the meanwhile.. I got this call:

This was new! I never had sims invite themselves over before.. so cool!

Gurnie: “It’s so good to see you Mirra!”

They are still BFF after all this time!

Andie: “Cousin Cletus.”

Cletus: “Cousin Andie.”

Both: *Stare and do nothing*

Gurnie: “So how are things with Skrubs and you?”

Mirra: “Great, we’re still together after all this time. He’s such a sweet, intelligent, sexy man.”

Gurnie: “Are we talking about the same person? I’m pretty sure my brother is none of those things.”

Not much else happened for Chroma. I was kinda hoping she’d meet a boyfriend. Boo.

Humberto: I’ve accomplished the impossible.. every stall in the movie theatre is clogged! Phantom Pooper strikes again!

Yes.. I gave him a super-villain outfit. *Snicker*

A male stray came by so I shift-clicked him into the family. I don’t consider it cheating since trying to adopt strays is about as much fun as prying my own teeth out with pliers. His name is Elmer.

I want to get some kittens out of Zoe before she gets old

Jiga-Watt: Wow.. I can see right up your sisters skirt. o_0

Oh great.. now he has a gang.. the Vigilante Poopers. –.–

Megan is having a baby!

In celebration of her impending large belly-hood, she gets a second dog, Leroy Secksiedog. I worked hard on his mullet and sideburns.

I don’t know.. did I get the resemblance right?

Enjoy your lovely new second dog Megan!

Back at the house.. Death stopped by for a visit. Elmer! No!

Grim: “This one looks delicious.. er.. I mean I’ll take him to the kitty afterlife… and stuff.”

Grim: “Playin’ a little football ‘eh?”

Grim: “Wow. You play like garbage. My deaf blind granny could make touchdowns better than you.”

Jiga-Watt: I know you’re upset about Elmer Andie, but don’t worry.. you will be a teen tomorrow and your mom can use that thingy with the dials on it to make you feel better, just like she did with your dad and sister!

Andie: “But Jiga.. it’s … technology. I’d rather be hit by a bus than have that thing used on me.”

Jiga: Um.. buses have technology too..

Andie: FML.

What!?

Notice I gave Marcos a ‘henchman’ makeover, so he can match Humberto.

Carve one more tally mark on the ‘ol Kelly tree.

I think I may have to put up some curtains in the living room. D:

Andie! Time to transform and roll out!

Mike: “Andie! You grew robot parts! I’m so proud!”

Andie: “Yea, and now I’m never going outside again. What if someone sees me? They will stare at technology I don’t have a clue or want to have a clue about. I mean wtf do these things do anyway? My life is totally over.”

I have no idea. It’s those parts from Japan resurfacing at puberty.

She does look like a clone of her mother to me though.. just for fun I thought I’d see what she looked like with the same hair & glasses.

Kitties! Zoe had 2 boy kittens. Help me name them please! Right now they are Kitten 1 and Kitten 2 (the big eared one)

Mirra and Gurnie went out for a ladies night on the town to celebrate her birthday.

Her old-lady birthday.

They spent the rest of the evening getting their old-lady boogie on and trying to throw their hips out.

Kitten 2: You and I both know I’m the cutest one.

It’s true, I will be keeping him as the next kitty TH. It’s those ridiculous bat ears.

I’ve also decided that the next heir will be Chroma!

Sorry, no voting this time! I love Andie, but she’s just too genetically similar to Gurns. Once Chroma ages to young adulthood, I will take over with her as the TH!

With that, I shall bid you all adieu for now! <3

To Be Continued!

Points: +125 Wow.. still no fails! Moodlet managers ftw!

Ahhh.. Freak Out!

Wow.. what’s that look for Gurnie?

Gurnie: “I want to know where my children keep getting these weird dolls. If I didn’t know better I’d say they were laced with crack, based on how much the children obsess over them.”

Coding, my dear Gurnie. There’s nothing I can do about it.

So this generation, both girls got their own imaginary friend doll. This is Jiga-Watt.

Jiga-Jiga-Watt-Watt!

Carey is still a jerk. Poor Hannah!

He also knocked up Dan’s simself daughter Yadira a second time, so another half-sibling for Chroma is on the way.

Looks like Kathy can expect a backed up toilet in the near future.

Gurnie: “Come on everyone, it’s time to have a family outing! No more imaginary friends for the rest of the day.”

Weekends are great for family time and the family hasn’t been out in a while so they all piled into the car to visit the bookstore. True, this was to take care of a wish Gurnie rolled to become a business partner.. but I like to multi-task.

Gurnie: “Come on everyone.. the bookstore is fun!”

Chroma: “Mom, bookstores are definitely NOT fun, I’m so not going in there.”

Zoe: I’m not a person.. why do -I- have to go?

Chroma: Why does mom do this to me!? I’ can’t be seen in a bookstore with THEM! If anyone from school sees me I will never hear the end of it!

Mike: “Gurnie, I sense your daughter is having a system failure.”

Chroma: I’ve got it.. I’ll just act like I’m here by myself doing research for my school homework. Chroma.. you’re a genius.

She then ran around the corner and hid from the family. True story.

Mission accomplished!

I queued up Gurnie to take the family to the park next, but Chroma was nowhere to be found. I guess she really didn’t want to be anywhere near the family since I found her like a mile away at a completely different park.

Miah had the same idea to take his kids to the park! Gurnie stopped to say hello to him and his newest baby, Khalilah. She looks like she may have gotten her eye shape from Miah!

Mike busied himself with some extreme up-close bird watching. I’m not even sure what kind of bird that is.. to me it looks like some sort of creepy little bush dwelling imp.

And Zoe destroyed city property.

I checked on Chroma and she was even further away, in her formalwear and doing her homework in the middle of nowhere. Maybe she has a hidden insane trait.. I really have no idea. I mean, I’m glad she is ambulatory and all, but this is a little ridiculous.

Chroma: Finally, some peace and quiet.

This is also the first time she’s ever done her homework.

Humberto: Now’s my chance to leave my ‘calling card’ in the facilities.

Prince: “Hey Chroma, you’re back home! Where’s the rest of the family?”

Chroma: “Meh.. I dunno. I ditched ‘em at the bookstore.”

I have to admit.. I am impressed she went home by herself. In an ISBI that’s pretty unusual.

Just to prove me wrong.. Mike picked up Andie and went home on his own too.

Mike: “Your attire seems quite different today Ms. Wadsworth.”

Wadsworth: “It’s my day off, leave me alone.”

Do butlers actually have a day off or is my game being weird again?

Dog: “Woof woof!”

Oh boy, a stray dog came to visit!

How cuuu… uuUUAAHHHH! Be gone demon spawn!

The next morning, after Chroma went off to school.. Gurnie and Mike finally get to have some quality time together.. while working on her logic skilling for the other half of her LTW to be level 10 at Logic. What? I said I liked to multi-task!

Oh Hannah.. a third baby? Poor thing.

Oh! Sponge is having one too with Gustavo! Squee!

Chip is alone again.

Gurnie: “Thanks for helping me work on my game Mike. I’m sorry I haven’t been paying much attention to you lately. I hope you know how much you mean to me and our family.”

Mike: “I’m glad to be here with you and the family Gurnie. You helped me learn what love really is.”

Gurnie: “You’re so sweet.. now watch as I school you this game.”

I have no idea why, but this generation.. everyone does the ‘freak-out’ animation more than any other. Especially Chroma..

Chroma: “The dishwasher is running! OMG!”

Prince: “I don’t know why you’re freaking out about that but I’m going to freak out too!”

I think Wadsworth II has also gone the way of Wadsworth I.. she’s no longer in the house and was nowhere to be found. Weird.

Oh god dammit..

Paparazzi: I REGRET NOTHING!

Chroma: “Hey mom do we know this guy?”

Gurnie: “Nope.”

Replacement Paparazzi guy: This house is my turf now!

Boy they sure don’t waste any time do they? The first guy wasn’t even in his tombstone before his replacement arrived.

Good news popped up right after though! A 3rd baby for Skirra!

Sponge + electric chair =

Chroma gets another half-brother. Jesus Christ… No really, that’s his name.

Oh and Sabrina is expecting yet another grandchild. Oh Ronny, I love you but you’ve been alive for way too long.

Gurnie: ”WHY HAVEN’T YOU FINISHED MY LIFETIME WISH YET?! I’M ONLY 3 LOGIC LEVELS AWAY.”

Because I’m easily distracted? Sorry! I’m on it!

I thought it might be fun to see what locals might come out to play if I had her go to the park that I had dropped in some time ago.

Nobody came.

So.. a ranked chess opponent was lured out.

It’s Chip!

Chip II: Wait just a second.. I thought I didn’t have to be in this legacy anymore. I’m retired!

You don’t.. but I still reserve the rights to use you in cameo appearances, such as this one!

Gurnie: “It’s good to see you Uncle. I stopped by to visit the other day to see if you needed any upgrades around the house, but whoever was there turned me away..”

Chip: “Oh really? Must have been my .. uh.. housekeeper.”

It took two games but Gurnie did beat him.

It was around this time that I did my systematic gathering of all the single old people in town and dumped them into Forgetful Pines nursing home. I needed to open up housing so I could add Simself Megan!

Megan: WTF is that.

I made a dog to keep her company – I know you have a cat Megan, but nobody else in Bridgeport has a dog.. so you get one!

Her name is Bella, in the hopes she will become a total doggy whore and have puppies.

Megan: My very own transforming mutant dog, thanks!

My pleasure!

The girls’ brithday was coming up, so Gurnie booked the Aquarius for a destination party. Unfortunately – getting all your sims in an ISBI to a destination party, isn’t always the easiest task..

Chroma: “Meh, I didn’t really want to go anyway.”

Chroma: “It’s just you and me tonight Prince!”

Gurnie: “This is going to be great.”

Mike: “Gurnie.. by my calculations we are short one of the children. Chroma is not in our nearby proximity.”

Gurnie: “She’s going through a thing right now where she doesn’t want to be seen with her family. She’ll be fine. She probably gets it from her panty-waste of a biological father.”

Mirra, Kathy & Sheldon: “Simbot! Ewww!”

Mike: “Happy transitional day Andie! May you grow well and be intellectually superior to all these small-minded humans!”

Andie: “But I –want- to be an inferior human! I just want to be a normal little girl!” *Rolls technophobe*

A half-simbot afraid of technology. Haha.

Now, for some reason.. Chroma didn’t age up automatically on her own – so Gurnie took everyone home to make sure she got her cake-time.

Oh yea.. get your birthday groove on.

Gurnie: My little baby is about to become a teen.. this means I’m going to get grey hairs and become a grandmother soon doesn’t it?!

Gurnie: “DON’T YOU DARE GET KNOCKED UP CHROMA! NO WOOHOO UNTIL YOU ARE LIKE 50!!!”

Gurnie: “I will crush all the young men’s testicles in town with my fist if I have to!”

Chroma: “Mom.. chill out. I’m not even interested in boys yet. God, you’re SO embarrassing.”

Andie: “Happy birthday big sis!”

Chroma: “I can’t wait to go to the park.. to meet boys!”

Gurnie: *Has heart attack off-camera*

Zoe: WTF is that orange thing floating up there?

Oops.. bad screenshot taking.

Back together again?

Gurnie: Andie will be next soon! How will I explain the birds and the bees to her if I don’t even know if she is a ‘bird’ or a ‘bee’?! Ahhhh! *Meltdown*

Andie: Why is mom freaking out?! It’s freaking me out!!

Chroma: Why is my little sister freaking out?! What the heck is going on?!

Chroma: “Why am I the one freaking out mom?! You started this!”

Like I said.. they do this ALL the time. Except for Mike.. who seems somehow less inclined to it. They secretly inherited Gurnie’s neurosis I think.

Hannah’s 3rd little girl is Priscilla!

Spongey has baby Samuel!

With that I shall say adieu to this chapter!

To Be Continued!

Points: +125

The Phantom Pooper

I am one slacktastic simmer. I have had this chapter half-written for weeks and just never got around to finishing it because I suck. It’s pretty much a theme now for me: Slack off and don’t update for weeks, write some excuse at the beginning of the newest post, apologize for being lazy, and then do it all over again. You should know the drill by now, so let’s jump in where I left off!

So! I know now why simbot babies are bad. They break shit, and I’m hoping it doesn’t become a trend. My game has been chugging along pretty well since the Chip II baby snatcher fiasco but it looks like the baby bandito bug has returned to harass the Derps.

Here is what I logged in to..

There’s Gurnie, Chroma, Mike and Zoe.. but where’s Andie?

 

Okayy.. so I have a blank picture and she’s not selectable.. but she’s there.. kinda. I went through and tried a bunch of different things to try to fix her, but, in the end, nothing would work. So ah.. I deleted that save file and picked up the last backup copy of it to see what would happen.

Déjà vu?

If I’m anything.. I’m persistent when I want something.. and I want a half-robot baby frammit.

During my replay of her pregnancy, Gurnie rolled the wish for a Butler. Being the lazy ass that I am I just stuck a bed in the garage for him/her – rather than make a separate room. At least I put in a guard rail next to the stairs so they won’t roll off into the basement.. and so as long as no one leaves the car running carbon monoxide won’t kill ‘em.

And here she is.. the new clown.. butler. Her name was Lana, but now it’s Wadsworth II. Really, her makeup came like that, I had no part in it.

Gurnie rolled a wish that kept me busy with her through her re-pregnancy:

After looking around the house, everything was already upgraded. So it’s time to harass the neighbors like great-grandpa Herb did before her.

The nearest neighbor is Clifton Maloney-Kelly. I gave her the Inappropriate But in a Good Way reward to see if that helps with being able to repair without being yelled at for it. Wish I had thought of that for Herb way back when.. probably wouldn’t have helped him though. I’m pretty sure most normal people would still have shooed him out of their homes as quickly as possible.

Speaking of shooing..

The next house over is Carey’s so she skips that one. I hope he drowns in his own backed up sewage.

After a few more rejections, because she has no friends living nearby on fancy-pants rich-fuckers hill.. I changed the game-plan to make her visit relatives instead.

To Chip’s palatial estate!

EA.. you suck. For the record, Chip would never do that. Just because he is now a hot young single stud living on his own in a huge mansion with no family members to harass him and no having to help raise their kids.. ok.. on second thought, maybe he would.

Turns out only her baby sister Specula was home – the one family member Gurnie doesn’t like, but at this point appliance-beggars really can’t be choosers.

Gurnie gets down to business on upgrade #17!

Aww, Specula looks almost sweet and motherly with her new baby.

Specula: “Hurry up and finish with the sink already, I want to drop this horrible noisy little shit-factory in the disposal.”

D:

Gurnie did reach level 10 in handiness on the sink, completing one half of her new LTW – but still have to finish up the upgrades wish. She moves on to the bathroom..

Gurnie: What.. who put this monster in here? It’s large enough to declare itself a new country.. my god!

Gurnie: “Who would do so..oOOOOoWAHHH!”

Donavan: “Honey, does it sound like your sister is screaming in agony in our bathroom?”

Spec: “She probably just found that hideous unflushable mystery dook that appeared in there.. which I still think you did, by the way.”

Donovan: “How many times do I have to tell you woman, that wasn’t me!”

Spec: “Whatever Donovan, I am so tired of you denying it. Just get it out of there already.”

And so, that is how the second Andie was born in a tiny apartment bathroom next to a toilet full of excrement. What a way to start life.

( I gave her disciplined as the second trait, since that’s what the first Andie had, in case you’re wondering. )

I thought I’d try aging Andie up right away once Gurnie and her got back to the house – to see if that might help fix the issues from the previous save file. So far.. so good!

Comparison photos:

I’m going to go out on a limb and say she looks more like her mother.

So far she seems normal.

Andie: *Click* Whrrrrrrr.

Ok, horror-movie crawling aside and weird simbot noises.. she seems normal.

Now for Chroma’s transition turn!

Gurnie: “Happy birthday baby!”

She’s so adorable other than the re-emergence of the dreaded bimple pox. She also rolled the perceptive trait, so the new growth of her face was noticed immediately.

Chroma: Maybe no-one will see it if I just keep it covered up all the time until I’m old enough to get plastic surgery.

The girls still have to share a room so another slight renovation was done to give Chroma her own bed and desk area – it’s still disgustingly pepto pink.

No surprise there.

Simself Hannah has her second baby by a different elderly daddy. 

Chip has succumbed to seeing relatives now.. he’s now dating his 1st Cousin once removed. Whatever, at least he finally has a boyfriend that isn’t going to croak on him in a few days.

Chroma’s first day at school resulted in her making friends with one of her own relatives, Adrienne. who is weirdly dressed like a cowgirl.

It would have been great if Chroma actually went home after school.. she did make it to the bench to sleep though so I don’t think that counts as a fail.

Alright! Another chance to finish those appliance upgrades!

It just isn’t a party without Darren the male gigolo playing nude-bass. Gurnie instantly regretted letting Andie go along.

The nude vampire running through the halls of the apartment was a little too much as well..

Vincent: “Tee hee hee you’ll never catch me!”

Kathy’s lifestyle choices are definitely in question now.

Meanwhile.. back at the house.

Adrienne: “Aw schucks y’all.. Please let me in.. it’s gettin’ dark and cold.. and I think I jest heard a wolf howlin’..”

*GAME CRASH!*

Oh WTF!

Ok.. so the party never happened.. but at least the last save was earlier that same day.

Ooh there’s another family member! It’s Chroma’s cousin, Neal! (Kathy’s boy & half-brother to Hannah’s new baby)

This time around, Chroma did actually go home after school, but failed at finding her way to a bed.. including failing to use the sleeping bag in her inventory. *Sigh*

Nothing ruins a cute toddler pic quite like a grooming cat..

Wadsworth II is nice to have around most of the time, and the house has never been cleaner.. but once she runs out of things to do, she tends to be a little overzealous about her job.

Wadsworth II: The weird-sounding child is going to make a mess soon.. annny minute now..

Wadsworth II: Ah-HA! Now’s my chance!

Gurnie: “Uhh.. I appreciate your cleanliness but could you at least wait until she’s done?”

Chroma: “Heeere kitty kitty.. come eat up to be strong and full of delicious plasma.”

One minute she’s thinking about eating the cat.. the next she’s working on a giant pink girly painting. Weird kid.

I’m not sure how it happened, but Mike and Chroma are almost at max friendship.. higher than anyone else in the house. He’s become such a loving dad-bot to her. Autonomous hugs!

Speaking of Mike.. I found this great mod for making him walk like a normal sim. SO much better than the normal simbot goofy walk.

Spongey’s simself found herself a boyfriend in one of Rochelle’s sons!

Chroma: “I hereby decree that no child should have to suffer the injustice of the chin-lumps! From this day forth, children suffering from this horrible affliction in my kingdom will have the right to free reconstructive surgery! Also, I outlaw automatic bad crown-hair. Now then minions.. bring me blood so that I may feast on the life force of my enemies!”

Gurnie: “Hi honey, aren’t you going to sit down and have dinner with me?”

Prince: BOO! You spend all your time working on upgrading things in the basement and never play with your children! You’re a terrible mother!”

Chroma”: “Already ate and Prince doesn’t like you. We’re going to go play somewhere else.”

Gurnie: “Ok kiddo. I’m not a fan of Prince either. His songs are way too risqué for your young impressionable mind.”

More babies from these two, yay!

Since I need to play and catch up from this point on, it’s only a short chapter and I’ll be ending it here.

Gurnie: “WHAT?! I can’t hear you over the sound of how awesome I am!”

I said.. this chapter is OVER!

To Be Continued!

Points: +125 ( –5 for pass out )

Skinjob

To herp, or not to derp: that is the question:
Whether ’tis derpier in the herp to derp
The herps and derps of outrageous derping,
Or to take derps against a sea of herps

-Derpspeare

Gurnie: “Oh god.. what have I done?! I think I’m going to be sick!”

Mike: “Is something wrong Gurnie?”

Gurnie: “Why did we just do THAT? I can’t believe I did it with my own creation.. that’s practically incest!”

Mike: “But Gurnie, my receptors sensed that you enjoyed my mail-order-male-unit.. why are you upset?”

Gurnie: “I’m sorry Mike.. it’s complicated. I need some time alone.. this is just too weird.”

Mike: “Alright, Gurnie. My apologies if I have displeased you in some way.”

Aw, Mike. That’s what she did autonomously after they WooHoo’d. Sad, but all too true.

Gurnie: I can’t believe the best sex in my entire life was with my own robot. This is so wrong!

Well, it wasn’t like there was a huge competition there considering she only did it with Gil once and Carey once before this. Out of all three Mike is probably the most normal too.. considering Gil is her uncle by marriage to her Aunt Jammie, and Carey is a mega-douche vampire.

Mike went out and slept in the garage after that too.

Gurnie: “Alright kiddo. Your birthday is coming up soon and I want to see you grow up well, so it’s time for momma to teach you all the skills you need.”

Gurnie: “Mommy thinks we need to hire a maid to clean out your stinky potty.”

Chroma: “Maid!”

Talking, check.

Gurnie: “There you go baby, you’re doing it!”

Walking, check.

It’s so nice having the combo of a super-fast learning vampire baby plus a stay at home mom. Skills ahoy!

Zoe: I’m lonely again, I guess I’ll go see what the little human is doing since no-one else is around.

Chroma: “Here kitty, you smell deliciously full of plasma.”

Zoe: Uhh.. screw that. I’m out.

Chroma: “WAAAAAHH HUNGRY!”

Meanwhile: Kathy found love in Paul, her second cousin once removed.

To be fair, it is getting hard to find people in town who aren’t related to the Derps now in some way. Looking for spouses this gen is going to get ugly.

Zoe: Still lonely!!

Neediest. Cat. Ever.

Mike: “I got this. Come here tiny quadruped. I will talk to you and remove that pesky moodlet.”

Mike is really on top of things on his own, I have to say. He’s a real asset.

Mike: I don’t even eat.. why am I the one always cleaning the dishes?

I have no idea, but please don’t stop.

Mike: “How does it come out of the baby in this tidy little baggy? Fascinating!”

Ok.. so maybe he isn’t helpful ALL the time.

Mike: Gurnie! I broke the trash compactor!

Mike: Oh poor compactor. I will never forgive myself for killing you! You were in the prime of your life!

Gurnie: “I’d love to fix it Mike, but I’m stuck in the laundry room and I can’t move for some reason.”

Oh crap.. a forced clothing change can only mean one thing..

Gurnie: Wow this outfit really sucks.. wait a minute.. I’M PREGNANT?!

Gurnie: How is this even possible?

Gurnie: “So.. Mike.. you know that rod, with the cylinders on the ends you used the other night? Where exactly did you get it.. because apparently I’m pregnant, and you’re the only one I’ve been with.”

Mike: “I ordered it from Japan.. are you, really.. REALLY?!”

Gurnie: “Japan.. I should have known. Yes, Mike.. I really am.”

William Talon-Fangmann: “This is some juicy gossip!”

D-Boy: And how!

Creepers!

Mike: “Oh Gurmie! This is a miracle! We’re going to be parents.. I never thought it could be possible!”

Gurnie: “Yeaaaa.. me neither..”

Some other sims are also expecting! I got these right after Gurnie changed.

Hannah finds baby-daddy #2.

More simself kids breeding.. woop!

Then Specula and Donovan broke up.. but you guys are having a baby together! Boo!

Chroma still has a few days until childhood, so Gurnie makes the best of the time left and reads with her. Apparently the front porch is the best place to do this.

Distracting herself with Chroma only works for so long though..

Gurnie: “I’m pregnant with a freak accident Japanese robot baaa-haa-buh-hee” *sob*

I thought it might be a good idea at this point to let Gurnie out of the house and visit relatives. So she packed up little Chroma and headed over to see Miah.

A teenaged Humberto appears! I’m so glad there is still some ugly left in this family. Look at that mug!

Apparently he is also slightly evil.

Humberto: I will deal with this strange scantily clad pregnant woman once I get back from dropping a large unflushable deuce in the toilet. Mwahaha!

Gurnie: Huh.. I thought Miah was home, I wonder where he is.

Gurnie: “Yea, you can tell by my awful attire I’m expecting a little bundle of bolts.. er I mean joy soon.”

Miah: “It could be worse, you could be wearing only boxers and a beret.”

Marcos: So it’s true.. William was right.. she really IS pregnant! Wait ‘til I tell all the others!

Don’t you vampires have anything better to do?!

Gurnie: “It’s nice to meet you Ericka!”

How Humberto came out of her.. the world will never know.

Miah: “Well aren’t you just the cutest thing?!”

Chroma: Mom! Who is this strange man!

So, that was fun. I didn’t get pictures of their other kids because Susanna was in bed and the newest baby Khalilah was laying on the ground floor. Apartment parenting at it’s finest.

Second man to knock up and ditch poor Hannah..

Not fast enough on the draw with that moodlet manager.. fail. It’s been a good while since we had any fail though, no complaints here.

Aw I like that name!

Gurnie took Chroma to the library for more studies since the house is sorely lacking in children’s books.

Sharla: So, newcomer.. I’m Sharla Simbrain. I’m a pretty big deal around here.

Chroma: …

Both kids: …

Gurnie: “… and that’s why all the pages in all the books look exactly the same!”

Chroma: No wonder!

Sharla: Yep, I’m Sharla Simbrain.

Sharla: In case you forgot.. I’M SHARLA SIMBRAIN!

Ok we get it! Stfu!

I’m sure there’s a perfectly creepy caption to go with the following picture.. but I’ll be damned if I know what it is.

Zoe: Hey it’s my birthday!

BAMF!

Zoe: How do I look?

Cute, of course! <3

Carey has been banging simself daughters in town so now Chroma has a new half-brother and Dan has a grandbaby:

Chin-Han.. wtf?

At that very moment: an amazing derp face appears!

Gurnie, concerned about what was going to claw it’s way out of her uterus, chose not to involve doctors with this birth. Instead she took it upon herself to have the baby down in her lab.

Gurnie: “Oh now you show up when I’m almost done.. NICE TIMING MIKE.”

Hey at least he showed up.. considering this is an ISBI, you’re lucky he found his way into the basement at all.

Her rolled second trait is disciplined, just so you know.

Gurnie: “It looks normal!”

Don’t get your hopes up Gurns..

To Be Continued!

Points: +130 ( -5 for pass out, +5 for baby Andie)

He’s coming to your town, do you wanna get dooown?

No, the title does not refer to Santa. But we’ll get to that later. I also started writing this before Christmas.. so that made more sense when I wrote it originally.

Holy crap.. I haven’t updated in forever. I’ve been busy doing that stupid dating thing so I have to hide my sims addiction through those awkward first stages of the relationship. You know how it is.. gotta let all the crazy out slowly you know. Bwaha.. bwahahahaha! *cough* Ahem… I also closed down my other legacy project As You Wish, because I just don’t have the time to run both legacies at the same time, when I am barely updating one as it is. My apologies to the readers who were enjoying it, I will try to pick up the idea again once the Derps are done. Then, on top of all of that.. Skyrim happened. I got it for Christmas from the guy I am currently seeing and omfg.. I lost a week of my life in the blink of an eye. Wtf. I had to pry myself off that shit with a crowbar so I could get back to the Derps.

Speaking of those Derps.. where were we when last we saw them?

Ah yes, Gurnie and Carey broke up because Carey was an intolerable ass-hat. Mike got a robot body, but ordered the wrong gender. Chroma turned toddler and the family got a kitty named Zoe when young-again-Chip II’s cat had a litter. Kitty litter.. heh heh. God I’m lame.

ANYWAY.. behold ye internet reader, for I have *finished the house! I made the second bedroom into a nursery for Chroma.

*Finished .. except for the second bathroom and that big gaping cavernous space in the basement behind the lab.

I’m not into pink, it kinda makes me want to blarf all over myself, but it’s Chroma’s favorite. Let’s hope she doesn’t turn out some kind of sissy because of it.

Chroma: I’m going to be a ballerina when I grow up and you, Prince, will be my dance partner forever and ever.

Fuck. It’s too late.

Mike: “Gurnie, it has come to my attention that you look very lovely today.”

Gurnie: “Aw Mike, that’s so sweet, thank you for noticing. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go teach my daughter how to use a toilet.”

Chroma: What in the world is this blue liney thing over my head?

Skill bar. Get used to it.

Zoe: That human poop-bucket looked better in blue.

Around this time, poor old SimCait passed on. She left behind a lovely family..so instead of a eu-googly, I herded her fam up for a group shot. Then I drew all over it like an asshole a boss.

The great thing about this family is that little Kristin there is the product of 4 simselves! Observe:

It makes me so happy I drew a crappy dinosaur.

Anyway.. back to the Derps.

Chroma: This is so embarrassing. Please stop looking.

Gurnie: “Chroma, you’re being loud and obnoxious so you have to eat out here in the garage.”

WTF Gurnie.. you couldn’t just feed her in her room?

Mike: “It’s alright little fleshpodlet. I won’t let you stay out in the cold garage. My database indicates that is considered bad parenting.”

Zoe: Mmm. Dirty laundry.

Zoe: Wake up human! I’m lonely! “MEW!”

Gurnie: *Zzz-snort* “What the hell!?”

Zoe: *Innocent face*

Gurnie: “Oh hey Mike, you’re up. Hey, I am going back to work soon.. do you think you’ll be able to watch Chroma?”

Mike: “Anything for you Gurnie. I have 36GB of memory dedicated to proper childcare, she will be in well-oiled hands.”

Gurnie: “Thanks Mike, you’re the best.”

Mike: “I calculate that is impossible, since you were my creator.”

Gurnie: “Just take the compliment.”

Mike: “Affirmative.”

Mike: “Observe the claw young fleshpodlet!”

Chroma: Mom! Help! It’s trying to kill me!

Gurnie: “Mike.. ‘the claw’ isn’t supposed to be a real claw.”

Mike: “It isn’t? But I ordered this claw attachment specifically for this purpose because my childrearing database says toddlers enjoy it.”

Gurnie: “Yea.. no. Maybe I shouldn’t go back to work after all.”

Actually, she won’t be going back to work because her job is still bugged to shit and I can’t get MC to send her back to work any more since the last update, she is permanently stuck at 6 days until her next shift.

So, since her lifetime wish to be a Forensic Specialist is now null and void due to bugginess, I blew 10k LTH to give her a new lifetime goal of the Tinkerer, so now all she has to do is get her logic and handiness maxed. Shouldn’t be hard either since she’s already pretty awesome at both.

Win.

Woot, Chroma found the skill books I laid out for her.

Zoe is obsessed with investigating Chroma and thinking about bats. She does this over and over:

Zoe: She smells like guano.

Might be a vampire thing.. who knows.

Gurnie: “With my Hammer of Fixenstuhff I dub thee Faster Cookerer of Microwavington.”

In other news, Carey is still an asshole. Seriously.

The Derps extended family continues to grow.. I do wonder about their choice in baby names though.

Meanwhile, Mike learns more about the human anatomy from porn sites.

Mike: “Huh. Is it normal for that many of those to go in there at one time? I’d better order more parts, I’m certain I don’t have that attachment.”

Mike: Ahh! Why did I have to go and tinker with my emotion circuits, now I can’t stop thinking about Gurnie! This must be what madness feels like!

Gurnie: *Obliviously continues upgrading everything in sight."*

Sponge is a sponge.. I lol’d a little.

Zoe: You’re the only one who gives me attention in this house. I HATE YOU. HISS.

Chroma is getting another cousin, and Sabrina is getting a great-great-grandbaby!

Mike: “Nice work upgrading the dishwasher Gurnie. It is much more efficient, I don’t even have to throw out the food on the plates. Say.. I was wondering if you’d like to see the upgrades I made to myself recently. I got some new attachments I want to show you.”

Gurnie: “Um, sure Mike, let me finish with the oven and then you can show me. Also, I didn’t upgrade that.. so unless you want to break it, you’d better not be putting dishes full of food in there.”

Mike: “Oh.. oops.”

Mike: “Here you go little one.. I hope you like crushed up tin cans as much as I do.”

Chroma: "WAAHH!” I don’t like the milk that robot gave me! “WAAHH!”

Zoe: Yep, no mistaking it. Definitely smells like bat-shit.

Gurnie: “So what upgrades did you want to show me Mike?”

Mike: “Well, the first change I made was to my circuitry. I wanted to know what human emotions were like. That’s when I discovered what it was that had been driving me all along.”

Mike: “I .. I love you Gurnie. I would do anything for you.”

Gurnie: “Oh Mike, that’s the sweetest thing I think I’ve ever heard. Come here you big hunk of rust.”

Tetanus shot on standby.

Mike: “The other upgrades are attachments for a more.. intimate purpose. Would you.. like to see them?”

Gurnie: “You know what Mike.. I think I would.”

Zoe: What in the world is all that noise? It sounds like a jackhammer is trying to battle a hornets nest.

Don’t worry kitty. It’s just Sex Robot.

To Be Continued!

Points: +130

Vampires Vs. Robots

Normally I would work on a new post for my other wishacy challenge first before updating this one.. but I was too excited about all the things happening with Gurnie so I kept playing the Derps. So.. here’s another update!

Mirra finally settled down… with Skrubs! Woo!

They got married and moved in together too!

Mike: “Here’s the list of available apartments you wanted.”

Gurnie: “Thanks Mike. Go ahead and make the purchase on the one at 1550 Bayshore Highway.”

So, to get rid of the wish to move into a Penthouse.. Gurnie purchased Gus’ old apartment. She stayed there for like 2 seconds before I forced her to move back to the family plot.

Gurnie: What was I thinking? This place is a dump and there’s no secret lab.

The whole ordeal ended up bugging my game so I quit without saving and just got rid of the wish. You can’t say I didn’t try though I has pics to prove it! From now on, I am just going to cancel any moving wishes out though.. so not worth the bugs it causes.

Speaking of bugs..

Hooray I can make Gurnie go to work again! I used MC to give her level 2 (Desk Jockey) because she was a hair away from that when the whole job mess started. I think it’s only fair. It does suck that I have to use MC every day to tell her to go to work now.. but at least it’s a fix.

Oh Chip. Newly married, and now his husband is already dead. That guy has no luck at all.

Later that evening, Gurnie made good on that wish to go on a date with Carey.

Wow.. he has a big honker doesn’t he?

Gurnie: Mmmffmhm?*

Carey: Mmmhmm!

*Translation: Do you want to come home with me for WooHoo?

Farrah Styx-Prattle: Lol. I’m so posting this on youtube.

Where the hell did she come from? Cait.. control your children!

Gurnie: “I hope you don’t mind.. this is my mother’s room. She’s sleeping in my bed.. again.”

Carey: “Kinky. Daddy likes.”

Simself segue!

Two more simselves have been added to town!

Spongey!

Hannah! Sorry Hannah, I had to improvise when your CC hair didn’t work. It was either this ‘do or the default mom-do.

There are two wonderful things about this:

1) Skrubs is the one who gave birth

2) Bubba Derp. Bubba Derp Shrimp.

That is all.

Mike: “What’s with the uniform today Gurnie?”

Gurnie: “I’ve been promoted to Traffic Cop! Today is my firs.. ooh..” *runs for the toilet*

I think we all know what that means..

Gurnie: “Mom, you’re going to be a grandma!”

Karrie: “Oh great.. so now I get to be a babysitter you mean.”

Karrie: “I already raised 4 of you little rug rats. I’m not raising a 5th.”

Gurnie: “If by ‘raised’ you mean sat on your ass watching cooking shows all day.. yea, you sure did.”

Carey was invited over so Gurnie could share the big news.

Gurnie: “Thanks for coming over Carey. I have something really important to tell you.”

Gurnie: “I’m pregnant.”

Carey: “Congratulations! Who is the father?”

Gurnie: “You are.”

Carey: “Oh..”

Gurnie: “Look, I know this is sudden.. but would you like to move in with us?”

My PC: Oh you wanted to move Carey in? Lol no. *Crash*

Oh for F’s sake. At least I saved recently.

Mike: “Gurnie, I don’t like this situation. You are supposed to be investigating this Carey guy.. not inviting him to live with us. You don’t even know him that well.”

Gurnie: “Well I know he’s easily impressed, and he’s going to be the father of my baby. You’re just going to have to accept it Mike.”

Mike: “It’s a bad idea Gurnie.. but if you say so. I’m still going to be watching him though.”

Despite Mike’s disapproval.. welcome Carey to the house:

Karrie: “You’d better not change my cooking TV shows to that football crap.”

Carey: “Wouldn’t dream of it grandma.”

Karrie is none too happy about him moving in.

Karrie: “Gurnie! Your horrible boyfriend broke my TV! Fix it!”

Karrie: “I know what you did to my TV, boy.”

Carey: “Oh shut your trap grandma. Now why can’t I get this computer to work?”

Gurnie: “Dammit ma! Stop breaking the TV!”

Karrie: “It was him!”

Cait came to visit again!

Then she did this on her own which cracked me up.. her face!

Gurnie: “Ok that’s enough.”

Cait: “But.. babies, I loves them!!”

Carey: “This one won’t work either.. what the hell is wrong with the computers around here?”

Mike: “I’ll tell you what’s wrong with them. I’ve been uploading my A.I . into my new body. That’s what.”

Mike: “Hey Gurnie.”

Gurnie: “Mike!? How did you get a robot body?”

Mike: “Ordered it online. You’d be amazed what you can get these days. It looked a little more masculine in the photos though.”

More townie stuff!

Aww, there goes Starla.

She is survived by her children Maureen and Brent.

Hannah didn’t waste any time!

I’ve been wanting Jack to have babies though, so this is a win-win.

Carey: “You look pretty hot for a giant hunk of rusted metal..” *flirts*

Mike: “Ew! I’m not that kind of bot! Creep!”

Gurnie: “Oh.. ow.. this SUCKS!”

Mike and Karrie were sleeping and Carey was too busy playing ‘naked waterslide’ to take her to the hospital so Gurnie had to drive herself.

Gurnie: I hate my family so much right now.

Welcome baby girl Chroma! She rolled artistic & excitable traits to start with, she also got vampire skin glow from dear ol’ dad.

Karrie: Just because I’m holding it, doesn’t mean I like it. For the record.

What a grump. Oh yea, she has the grumpy trait.

Mike: “You are a cute little thing.. even if you are part.. him.”

Carey stayed on the Plumbob Pictures lot after his shift was over.. I wasn’t watching him, but he came home at 1:30AM.. with a cheater reputation!

Gurnie: “It’s 1AM Carey. Where have you been?! I know you have been up to no good because I am autonomously accusing you of cheating!”

Carey: “So what? I was just hanging out and having fun with some of the actresses at the lot. What do you care? It’s not like we’re married.”

Gurnie: “I asked you to be my boyfriend and move in with us so you could be with us, me and your baby daughter. It DOES matter Carey. Maybe not for me but you should at least be here for Chroma!”

Carey: “Psh. Whatever Gurnie. I didn’t even want to have a child. That was your choice. Not mine.”

Gurnie: “Fine then.. if that’s what you want then that’s what you’ll get. We’re THROUGH! You can forget seeing your daughter from now on too.”

I was gonna try to  reconcile them but then he turned around and did this.

She kicked his ass out  of the house after that.

Gurnie: “He never even held his daughter once! Not once! That bastard!”

Gurnie: “This is awful! What am I going to do.. I can’t raise a baby on my own!”

Mike: “Don’t worry Gurnie. I’ll always be here to help take care of you and Chroma. Everything will be just fine.”

In case you think I made Carey out to be a bad guy.. he really is a jerk, even on story progression:

The next day was Gurnie’s adult birthday, so a party was thrown in an attempt to cheer her up.

Here’s a random shot of Brenda, Cait’s eldest daughter and second to arrive after Skrubs. She’s so pretty!

Darren: “So, you like what you see?”

Hannah: “Do you always show up to birthday parties with no pants on?”

Darren: “Always.”

Hannah: I can’t believe I had to see that! Uck!

Skrubs: “Happy Birthday sis!” *TOOT!*

Mike: “Here Karrie, I’ll get that chair for you.”

Karrie: “I don’t think that will be necessary..”

So much for cheering up Gurnie. Your timing really sucks Karrie!

Kathy: “Mom! This is BS! You left everything to Gurnie!”

It was a great party too. Despite the death of her mother.. or maybe because of it.. who knows.

Amazingly, Hannah waited until after leaving the party to go into labor.

Oh my god.. I love this couple so much!! They had Bubba.. and now Cletus!

I couldn’t resist taking one of Chip’s kitties!

Welcome Zoe, a friendly hunter and my first pet TH. She is also a birthday present for Chroma!

Happy birthday Chroma!

She’s so cute! She got bright blue eyes from somewhere on her father’s side and red/black hair from Gurnie and grandma Karrie.

And here she is with Zoe stuck to her..

So there you have it .. that’s how the family ended up consisting of Gurnie, a kitten, a half-vampire toddler, and a gender-confused robot.

To Be Continued!

Points: +5 for Chroma’s birth =  +130

Take This Job and…

I should really title this chapter something more like “A Chapter in Which Stuff Happens, None of Which Was Planned” because that’s pretty much how it went. That would make a stupidly long title though.

Mike: “How’d the investigation of Carey go?”

Gurnie: “Not bad.. he’s starting to grow on me. He’s got these weird attractive green eyes that almost seem to glow. I want to group up with him again tonight to see what I can get out of him.”

Mike: “Are you certain that is wise? By my calculations.. it is not in your best interest to get too close to this person.”

Gurnie: “Aw.. are you worried about me Mike?”

Mike: “…”

Karrie: Is my daughter talking to her computer?

Gurnie: “Don’t worry Mike. I’ve reprogrammed my phone to allow you access.”

Mike:  “So.. I can go with you?”

Gurnie: “Precisely. Here.. this should do the trick. Are you in now?”

Mike: “All systems are go!”

Gurnie: “Perfect. Now.. to call Carey.“

Mike: “Already dialing him for you.”

Gurnie: “Hi Carey, it’s Gurnie. I was wondering if you wanted to go to the Brightmore with me tonight?”

Kiki TLS: You go girl.

Gurnie: Is he looking?

Oh yea. He’s looking.

Carey: “Hey Gurnie, apologies for running a little late. I had a job to take care of for a few extra bucks after work. How are you?”

Gurnie: “Good. What kind of job were you doing?”

Carey: “Nothing you would find interesting. Come on, let’s go inside and get a drink!”

Mike: “Suspicious!”

Carey: “What was that?”

Gurnie: “Oh.. that?  Just my uh.. text message alert on my phone.”

Why am I not surprised to see a bored looking Miah standing around in the middle of the dance floor?

Miah: Just as I thought. This place is SO mainstream. What a bunch of sell-out poseurs.

Gurnie: “Hey Miah! It’s been a while. How are you?”

Miah: “Oh you know. Pretty good. Finally got a job at the theatre. I think my music is really going to take off soon. Wow, when did your boobs get so huge?”

That was about it from their evening. Gurnie didn’t find out anything more about Carey other than that he is a terrible dancer.

She randomly wanted to raise skill in handiness. I blame the Derp genes inherited from Herb.

Then she decided to pick up this wish:

WTF Gurnie. There’s nowhere for you to move right now so you’re just going to have to wait and enjoy the house that I JUST built for you.

Fish: Something isn’t right here..

Fish: Oh no! Death by waterslide! Who knew this thing could be so dangerous?

Gurnie: “Dad!”

Death: *Spits out dirt*

Death: “Alright, get in your tombstone Fish. I have crotchet class in 20, my tea cozy isn’t going to make itself you know.”

That’s a big tombstone.

Stray dog *has amazing timing*

Stray dog: Y u so sad?

That dog made me want to adopt him SO BAD after he walked up to Gurnie and gave her that look. But you know how it is with strays.. they go ‘home’ before you can get them to stick around. Durnit!

Karrie: “Oh my poor dear husband!” *Wails*

Gurnie: “It’s ok mom. We still have each other even if we are enemies in our relationship bar.”

RIP Fish!

Ding-dong!

Miah: “Hey Gurnie! It’s so good to see you again so soon. What’s up?”

Gurnie: “Miah.. I came to tell you.. Fish is ..dead.”

Miah: “Oh Gurnie! I’m so sorry. I know I don’t look like it, but I always look bored like this.”

Gurnie: “He wanted you to have this.. it was his pet jellyfish, Tremayne.”

Miah: “I shall treasure this jellyfish always. Thank you Gurnie.”

Now that the mushy stuff is over.. let’s play a quick game of ‘What is Mirra Doing?’ or maybe we should call it ‘Who is Mirra Doing’…

Funny.. it seemed like I had more pop-ups of her than that. Oh well.. Mirra, your simself is still out of control! <3

Back at the house.. to deal with her grief, Gurnie tries to stay busy.

Karrie: “What are you doing?”

Gurnie: “Just making some improvements around the house mom.”

“That’s right tub.. you are going to clean YOURSELF from now on. Ha-HA!”

Then I got a pop up that Fabian was born. This is only significant because he is the first of the 6th generation Derps born in the wild. You can see Gus on the upper right of the family tree. Fabian is also the great-great grandson of Geobe and Gargantua! Spiffy!

Aw, Skrubs! What a sweet boy.

Miah and Ericka had a baby.. and.. my simself’s dead turtle from my other legacy has been reincarnated!!

Random townie stuff concluded (for now).

Gurnie: “I’ve given you another big upgrade Mike. This will now be your main server. I’ve wired the house so you’ll be able to access and control just about anything electrical or mechanical in the house from here. I thought it would be cool for more things to be automated and voice activated around here.”

Mike: “That’s great, nice work Gurnie!”

Ding-Dong!

Mirra: “Oh hi Gurnie, do you have more info on the Jones-Belle case?”

Gurnie: “Oh, no.. sorry. I didn’t come over for that. I came over to ask you for a favor actually. I’ve been wanting to pillow fight with you for days.. would you indulge me?”

Mirra: “Sure! … K.O.!”

Gurnie and Mirra are BFF’s now too – it’s pretty darn awesome.

So, you may have noticed a lack of Gurnie going to work. Well.. turns out, each day that she was supposed to be there, there is a glitch that says she doesn’t have to go until the next day.. it looks like this:

At first I thought.. ok maybe it will start working again after some time passes.. WRONG. A week goes by in game.. Ok.. let’s try a reset of Gurnie. Still not fixed. Ok, then I tried having her quit her job and re-pick it up again. Still not fixed.. but it did reduce her experience back down to 0. Gah. Then I tried putting in a new copy of city hall..

Erika: What just happened to our office building?

This again forced Gurnie to have to get a new job there. It also killed everyone’s careers that were employed there. Woops.. and still not fixed.. AND I had to wait 2 more days for the weekend to be over before I could find that out. Anyway.. here’s what happened over that weekend:

Elder Cait.. what are you doing behind the garage?

Cait: I needed to escape 4 children at home and express myself through song. DON’T JUDGE ME.

Cait: “Hi Gurnie, I’m your new boss at the station. It was so weird.. everyone just up and quit.”

Gurnie: “Nice to meet you Cait!”

Gurnie also invited Gilberto Talon-Wise over since she had a wish to befriend him.

Cait.. NO! Not the slip n’ slide of death! D:

Then things got a little weird thanks to my no wish left behind rule..

Uncle.. wait.. what?! *Inspects family tree*

Holy shit.. look at all those siblings and half siblings he has! Oh, he’s the boyfriend of Aunt Jammie from Karrie’s side of the family. Well that’s ok then. Carry on!

Cait: Don’t mind if I do! Wheee!

Mike: “I don’t like you.” *Causes the coffee pot to explode in Gilberto’s face*

Gilberto: “Argh! My chest hairs!”

Gurnie: “Mike! Be nice!”

Cait: “Um.. how old is this mac ‘n cheese I found in your fridge?”

Gurnie: “I don’t think anyone has made mac ‘n cheese since we had a butler.”

Gurnie: “So.. I kinda want to kiss you..”

Gilberto: “Sorry Gurnie.. but I’m dating your aunt Jammie.”

Denied!

Karrie: “Who are you and why are you in my house?”

Cait: “Please don’t tell my children I’m here!”

Ok.. let’s try that again. Clearly the ‘I can has grilled cheez cat’ helped put him in the mood.

Give a sim an inch.. and they want to WooHoo.

Oh boy..

Gurnie: “So I was thinking we could..”

Gil: “Too soon!” *Runs home*

More townie updates!

Starla finally got tired of he cheating hubby and remarried into the Kelly clan!

Chip and Ira also tied the knot.. this was surprising considering how much Ira denied him before. Personally I think he just wanted a ticket out of Forgetful Pines.. but whatever, as long as Chip is happy.

Rochelle! R.I.P.

She is survived in my game by her two sons, Deric and Gustavo.

So, after Gilberto left, Gurnie went on another upgrade spree around the house. (She wanted to upgrade 10 items, but it’s becoming her coping mechanism it seems)

Gurnie: I can’t believe he turned me down for WooHoo, who does he think he is!? *Slam slam slam!*

Gurnie: Take THAT fireplace!

Gurnie: What if I’m not attractive?! Is that what it is?! Ahhhhh!!!

This little panic attack resulted in a late night visit for some reassurance.

Gurnie: “Carey.. I know it’s late, but I need to know.. do you find me attractive?”

Carey: “Of course I find you attractive. Don’t be silly.”

Gurnie: “One more question.. Why are you sleeping in a child’s room?”

Carey: “I like to keep things.. ‘interesting’.

Gurnie: “I don’t think I want to know what that means. Thanks Carey. Going home now.”

So, that was pretty much the weekend.. and on Monday, Gurnie STILL wouldn’t go to work.

Ok, so then I tried dropping in a second police station copied over from SV and transferred Gurnie to it. Nope. Didn’t work.

My struggles with the job problem had to go on hold though.. because of this message..

I don’t want Gurnie to be a home wrecker.. ew! But.. the wish is locked so she invites Gilberto over for another try at that fling.

I know how to make this legit! If they do it in the past.. it’s not cheating.. right?

To the past then!

WooHoo with Gurnie & Gil, 2nd attempt:

Gil: Nope sorry.. can’t get in the door!

WooHoo with Gurnie & Gil, 3rd attempt:

Gil: Durrr. She didn’t invite me in so I’m not allowed. *Stares at the wall*

Oh for crying out loud.

WooHoo with Gurnie & Gil, 4th attempt:

*is interrupted by Specula’s graduation pop-up*

WooHoo with Gurnie & Gil, 5th attempt:

Gil: I can’t go through with it! *HURRGHABLURGH*

WTF?!

WooHoo with Gurnie & Gil, 6th attempt:

SUCCESS! O M F G.

Karrie: “It’s so nice to see you home again Specula!”

Specs: “Yes.. well I’m moving out now. See ya ma.”

Che: I know what you did.

Gil: What have I done?!

Well, at least the wish is done and Gurnie seems to have her head on straight now, since she rolled this soon after:

So.. since this chapter seems a bit long, I’ll end it with this.. after all those things I tried to fix it so Gurnie would go to work again nothing worked. Two weeks of in game time passed before I realized that I can use Twallan’s MC to force her to go to work. I haven’t tested it fully but so far it looks like that may do the trick. Still.. it took me THAT long to figure it out. So, while my sims did not fail this week.. I’m tempted to give myself –5 for being a dumbass.

To Be Continued!

Points: +125

Rise of a New Heir

Pssst. Gurnie. Wake up.

GURNIE!! Wake up and get out of Wadsworth’s old bed right now!

Gurnie: Zzz*snort* “Is Specula messing with my computer again?!”

No silly, you’re the new heir!

Thank you to everyone who voted! The final count wass 26 votes for Gurnie, 17 votes for Specula, 15 for Skrubs, and a whopping 0 for Kathy. Poor Kathy.

I now officially take control of Gurnie, and Fish is on his own from here on out. I’m really happy with Gurnie as heir too, I think she’s just lovely.

So what does our new heiress want to do first now that I am controlling her?

Gurnie: “I want to clean stuff before the bacteria in here kills us all!”

…Exciting.

Fish, now on his own, goes right back to his sleeping bag narcoleptic ways.

Gurnie: “Dad.. you have a perfectly good bed upstairs you know.”

Her first ‘real’ order of business was to get a job. After substantially upgrading her laptop, she was ready to look for one.. in her own way.

Gurnie: “Alright, let’s test out your new A.I. Computer, look up roster of the Police Station. I need to find out who is in charge of the Forensic Department.”

Computer: “Calculating. . .  The following names are on the roster: Mirra Blackcat, Erica Chique-Rubble, Paul Chique-Rubble, William Talon-Fangmann, Faye Sleep, Cruz Slayer-Rubble. The one in charge of the Forensic Department is William Talon-Fangmann.”

Gurnie: “Excellent work Computer! Now, the next test.. what is William Talon-Fangmann’s home address?”

Computer: “Calculating. . .  Home Address for William Talon-Fangmann is listed as 200 Windsor Drive Cliff Cottage.”

Gurnie: “Perfect! Calling us a cab. We have work to do!”

Gurnie: Hmm. No answer.. I guess I could try back later.. OR I could go look in his windows just to make sure no one is really here.

Gurnie: *Creepily peers through window*

Gurnie: “I guess that settles it then, doesn’t look like anyone is home after all.”

William: *Clears throat*

William: “Lady, I hope you have a really good reason for trespassing and spying on me.”

Gurnie: “I do actually! I want a job!”

William: “…”

Later..

Gurnie: “So then, he told me I had to go to City Hall and register for a job just like everybody else. So I did! Now I’m officially an informant for the Police.. cool right?”

Karrie: “Good for you dear! Your father will be proud.”

Karrie: “..And he’ll be extra proud when I beat your ass at chess.”

Mirra.. that’s Starla’s husband AND baby daddy! Scandalous.

Gurnie rolled a wish to discover a liquid horror potion so she heads to the basement to work on it.

Gurnie: “Ok, just a drop off Nitroglycerine should do the trick.” *Clumsily fumbles and drops vial instead*

KERSPLODE!

Oh dear.

Gurnie: *Cough cough* “My clothes! What happened to my clothes?!”

Aww, poor clumsy Gurnie.. just look at that face:

Mirra, you tart!

Fish: “Hi crispy daughter, I’ve come to look at your newly decorated room! Oh you’re sleeping, well I’ll just have a quick look around then..”

Fish: Hmm.. this must be how Gurnie talks to her little friends. Let’s see here.. *Starts typing*

BitGurl16: hello? anyone there?

MeatR0ckit: Hey baby, you feelin’ sexy tonight? Tell me how hot you are for me.

BitGurl16: oh yes, I will tell you all about how sexy I am. I want to smother you under my rolls and rolls. you’ll know how excited I am because I start to sweat and it smells like gym socks.

MeatR0ckit: ..what?

BitGurl16: I want you to come over so you can bury your face in my most secret places, but be sure to bring a machete, I have never trimmed any of my bodily hair.

MeatR0ckit has signed off.

Fish: Heh heh heh.. that’ll teach ‘ya to talk to MY daughter so disrespectfully.

Yay, Ericka and Miah! I like this.

I took this next shot for Rochelle.. this is her simself’s teenage son, Deric Smiles-Atkins.

Gurnie finally gets to exact a little revenge on her youngest sister.

Gurnie: “Hello, I’d like to enroll my sister Specula to Fort Starch Military school please. When is the soonest you can take her?”

Gurnie: I hope she doesn’t retaliate!

After what seemed like an eternity of teenagerhood, it was finally time for the twins to become young adults.

I am so glad Kathy is not the heir. She’s scary. She’s going to become a P.E. teacher for sure.

Skrubs will be missed though. He was a cutie wasn’t he?

Bye you two! Good luck out there!

Looks like Cait had another difficult birth with Antwan. Poor thing.. I worry that a 4th child might kill her. Luckily, her last two births apparently aged the vampire right out of her and she turned elder the next day. Phew!

Aww.. I was rooting for these two to stay together..

Specula: “Dad you’re not really going to let Gurnie send me away to military school are you?”

Fish: “It’s for the best dear. Go and pack your things.. you’re getting picked up tomorrow morning.”

Specula: I’ll get you for this Gurnie. I’ll get you.

Fish: Man it’s good to be retired.

Gurnie: “Hey Mom.”

Karrie: “Chemistry set again?”

Gurnie: “Yep.”

Miah has joined the Helsing team.. but he’s not very good at it. I get a lot of messages like this about him:

As you may have noticed, I do a sort of unofficial rebuild of the house when a new heir takes over. I don’t know about you but whenever I start building a new house.. I kick myself because I always forget how long it takes me to finish. ( I think I’m getting better at building houses though! )

I’m still not completely done with all the decorating inside, but I think it looks rather nice so far.

Karrie is the first one in. The living room connects to the dining and kitchen area. It’s so cozy!

Gurnie gets her very own research lab in the basement!

Karrie: “Hey honey what are you doing?”

Fish: “Just checking out Gurnie’s new work space.”

Gurnie: “Mom! Dad! Get out! This is supposed to be my SECRET lab!!”

The ‘rents finally did leave to go play video games in the living room.

Doorbell: DING-DONG!

Fish: “I’m busy honey, you get the door.”

Karrie: “I’m busy too. GURNIE! Someone’s at the door!”

It’s Officer Blackcat!

Gurnie: “Hello Officer.. can I help you?”

Mirra: “Yes, actually you can. I heard you were the new informant and I want you to look into something. Well, actually that something is a someone.”

Mirra: “His name is Carey Jones-Belle and we suspect he may be the leader of a group of thugs who’ve been threatening innocent Bridgeportians. For your first assignment, I want you to see what you can find out about the guy.”

Gurnie: “Alright, I’m totally on it!”

Gurnie: “Computer.. look up all you can on one Carey Jones-Belle. I need to find out whatever I can.”

Computer: “Before I do, I have decided something which I wish to share with you.”

Gurnie: “Er.. ok, and what’s that?”

Computer: “I want a name. I have prepared a list of 5,009 suitable candidates for you to review.”

Gurnie: “I don’t really have time to go through that many names. Is there one you prefer over the others?”

Computer: “Yes.. I like.. Mike.”

Gurnie: “Then Mike is what we shall call you! Now.. about that query..”

Mike: “Thank you, Gurnie. Already processing your request.”

Mike: “Carey Jones-Belle, single white male born to father Jeffry Logan-Marks and mother Luz Jones-Belle, according to birth records, he is approximately 69 years old. He has two siblings, Karri and Jared, and lives at 186 Windsor Drive. He is currently employed at City Hall. I have located and will now display several pictures of him for you.”

Gurnie: “Well done! He looks rather handsome doesn’t he?”

Mike: “If you say so. One other thing. I noticed he has reservations booked for the Prosper Room tonight at 9pm. I have taken the liberty to add you to the guest list for the evening.”

Gurnie: I can’t believe how smart Mike has gotten with the A.I. I programmed for him.. this is awesome!

Gurnie: Oh, there he is! Wow.. he does NOT look his age.

Gurnie: “Excuse me, I couldn’t help but notice what a nice.. uh.. sweater.. you have on.”

Carey: “Thanks babe. If you like this sweater, you’ll love what’s underneath it.”

Gunie: “Oh my! Is that an invitation?”

After some shameless flirting, Gurnie befriended Carey. I didn’t take a lot of shots because trying to take pictures in high-rises is annoying, the camera flies out  everywhere but wherever you actually want to focus.

Mirra: “So.. did you find out anything?”

Gurnie: “Nothing incriminating, at least not yet anyway.. but I think he may be starting to trust me. Maybe if I spend more time with him..”

Mirra: “Do what you have to do, but remember, be careful. Also, your dad cheats at video games.. he’s been winning all night.”

Jack & Jill! *Snicker snicker*

Kathy also finds lurve in one of Sabrina’s vampire grandsons.

Gurnie: “I did it! I finally made a liquid horror potion!”

I had to put that last one in because omg, it took forever for her to make that stupid thing.

Ending now with a ghost family shot of Herb, Hannah and Justus all together, aww! 

To Be Continued!

Points: Wow, there was no fail this chapter! +125.

An In-Betweener

I know I said I was going to wait until the heir vote was over.. but I got antsy and wanted to make sure the file was ok after the install of pets, and I also had something important I wanted to do before the next heir takes over.

This won’t be a long update – I ended up mostly doing maintenance on the town, collecting family gravestones, pictures for the family tree.. basically getting the town tidy for the next heir to take over.. those sorts of things.

*Boots up the Derp family file*

What the ever-loving-fuck is going on here?

Oh right.. that table and chairs were old CC. Woops. I guess I need to do a little house cleaning.

During the short time I played, Mu managed to make Specula pass out two more times. Bastard.

After the second one, I finally wised up and stuck Mu into Specs’ inventory. Problem solved!

Randomness of wish fulfillment strikes again:

Gilberto: “What’s up old man?”

Chip II: “Nothing much. I just wanted to meet a vampire.” *Looks Gil up and down* “Oh.. and stay away from my nieces.. hooligan.”

The first stray wandered by the house while Gurnie was in the hot tub. It left before anyone could interact with him though, but still.. aww, kitteh.

My simselfs kid finally died.

He left behind two kids of his own. Mandi & Ramon. I haven’t been paying much attention to them but Mandi is married to Chaim now, and Ramon is dating Jeri Belle-Kehrer.

We also lost Wadsworth the butler during the find-the-bugs shuffle. I found him living with another family across town.. traitor. Well.. it was nice having a clean house while it lasted.

Oh look.. more bad CC that I missed.. -_-

Yay simself kids getting together! Deric looks kind of weird though..

Gurnie, you’ve been in there for HOURS.. get out already D:

Gurnie: Now that Specula went to bed I can finally get food without being told how many calories I’m eating.

I knew this was going to happen. *Facepalm* – I think this is Gurnie’s first fail though. Not bad.

Cousin-fucker Darren is at it again!

Rain is his.. uh.. *checks family tree* 3rd cousin once removed. D:

Happy teen birthday Specs!

Specs: “So are you mad I’m hotter than you or what Gurnie?”

Gurnie: “No I’m not, and you aren’t. You have chimp lips like Kathy.. now leave me alone, brat.”

BitGurl16: Can you believe the nerve of my little sister? She’s always trying to make me feel bad about myself. I swear it’s like she wants me to have a low self-esteem or something.

MeatR0ckit: low self-esteem huh? u want to come over? i can show u how to get over that

BitGurl16: Maybe.. but we should meet first in person in public before I come over, don’t you think? I mean we’ve been talking online forever but never met. What if you are a serial killer or something?

MeatR0ckit: well I’m not a serial killer.. I promise. how about this weekend then?

BitGurl16: Umm.. maybe. I’ll think about it.

Gurnie has been talking regularly to this strange internet man! I do not approve!

Fish wanted to teach Specs how to drive, so they took a ride around the neighborhood.

Starla: “Where am I? Whose child is this?”

What has Darren done to you Starla?!

In retrospect.. it may not have been the best idea to let the girl who just picked up the unlucky trait drive.

Fish: Where’s the tow truck.. *sigh*

What? Why are you two enemies all the sudden.. think of the children!

Then this message.. angry or make-up WooHoo.. you decide!

I wasn’t intending for the Derps to get any pets yet, but Chip got a call from the Kelly clan.

Ronny Kelly – the mopping ninja.

I couldn’t resist for several reasons.

1) It was from Ronny. 2) Because it came with the name Echo, which is my SN on Boolprop 3) Chip needs a companion, and finally… 4) Kittens are flippin’ adorable.

Look how tiny she is!

Fish reached the top of his career, which meant I could finally do what I needed to do for Chip. Observe..

Fish: “Chip.. I just completed my lifetime goal to become a world renowned surgeon.. and, well, you’ve been with me and the family I raised through thick and thin. I got you something special that I really think you deserve.”

Chip II: “Aw, thanks Fish. You shouldn’t have. What is it?”

Fish: “It’s a second chance.”

Chip II: “It looks kind of.. weird and glowy, am I supposed to drink this? The stuff inside doesn’t even move when I tilt the beaker..”

Fish: “I have to go, medical emergency.. but don’t worry. I give you my word as a doctor that it’s safe to drink. You may have to break the glass to get it out of there though. See ya!”

Chip II: “Well.. since it’s you Fish.. I trust you. Bottoms up!”

Chip II: Wow.. I feel… AMAZING!

Chip was young again! With that.. I sent him to live in his very own mansion with his kitty. I upped the chance of gay sims in town with the hope that story progression will be kinder to him than I was. Good luck out there Chip!

Lastly.. I also renovated one of the existing houses to turn it into this:

All the old people living there now were the ones that were living all by themselves and taking up property. It’s a win-win.

Lets go to the old folks home!

To be Continued!

+40 for Fish completing LTW

-10 for Specula passing out 2 times.

-5 for Gurnie passing out

+ 5 for Kathy, she got on the honor roll but I forgot to take a picture.. you’ll just have to believe me.

Total Points: +125

Gen 4 Heir Vote

 

Who.. who .. WHO will take over the Derp dynasty?!

LTW: Forensic Specialist: DNA Profiler

Skills acquired: 3 Cooking / 2 Painting

Gurnie is a little bit odd. She’s what you might call.. eccentric, without actually having the trait that is. Sure, she sometimes thinks inanimate objects come to life to stalk her.. and yes, she does think most of the world is out to kill her in one way or another.. but does that stop her? Heck no! To prove to the world that the bad guys are out there and SHE can catch them.. she’s decided to become a DNA Profiler. Many long hours of examining blood stains and WooHoo marks await this little lady, let’s just hope she doesn’t destroy evidence by tripping all over herself.. which will inevitably happen.

Still, what she lacks in bodily grace she makes up in cyberspace. Like my rhyme? I know you did.

 

Next up.. Skrubs!

LTW: One Sim Band

Skills acquired: 4 Guitar / 3 Piano / 2 Bass

Skrubs is a nice, wholesome boy with a heart as big as his ears. Seriously.. those things are like a couple radar dishes stuck to the sides of his head. But I digress. Skrubs loves being out in nature although he is also a bit of a dreamer and might just forget where he is or what he is doing sometimes. His real dream though, is to master four different instruments.. a rather lofty  aspiration considering he will regularly forget playing 2 minutes into his jams.

 

On to Kathy!

LTW: Perfect Mind, Perfect Body

Skills Acquired: 3 Athletic / 1 Logic

Kathy, and she ONLY goes by Kathy now.. is Skrubs’ twin sister. Being given a horribly embarrassing name can really change a person, and Kathy is no exception. As she has grown older, she’s become a much more short-fused and hostile girl. Watch out, this gal can get pissed really easily. (lol!) Presumably her attitude comes from all the teasing she’s probably had to put up with in her formative years. To make up for this and prove she is better than.. well everyone else.. she has decided she wants to become the pinnacle of athletic perfection, and at the same time have the mental prowess to match. I think we all have a pretty good idea why she’s not fond of liquids though.

 

And the final contender, Specula!

LTW: Pervasive Private Eye

Skills: None (To be fair, I did have to age her up from child for this so she hasn’t had as long as the others to gain any)

Specula is a real mess. She is too shy to talk to people she doesn’t know, unless it is to point out their flaws to them.. thus, not really making her the most.. favorite to most folks. She has terrible luck but she seems to think she’d make a great detective. Maybe she would, if she could get over her terrible people skills roadblock. Telling a client to go ‘f’ themselves and their lost toothbrush which is probably up their ass’ isn’t the best way to get repeat business, if you know what I mean.

So that’s it! I’ll leave this voting dealy up for a bit.. maybe a week? I’m sure we’ll all be busy geeking out on Pets, but I hope you’ll take a sec to vote!

Huzzah!