Better Late Than Never
I’m baaaaack! I had a bit of a fight with the Showtime expansion installation, but we’ve since made up and are BFF now. There also was quite a bit of work on the house that had to be done before I could really get back to the playing the Derp family.. but I done did it.. so here they are, the Derp family in all their generation 5 glory!
From left to right we have Mike, Gurnie, Chroma, Andie 2.0. In front is Zoe, Dobby and Smeagol.
After the trip to China, Chroma, Andie, Gurnie and Mike returned to Bridgeport, to their brand new home, and also to some slight makeovers since I had to do a pretty major CC purging overhaul. I’ll also give a little stats recap for them in a sec.
Chroma: We’re back! WOO!
A quick flyby of the new house I built for them! So.. it was going to be pink to suit the favorite color of our torch-holder(ess?), but I couldn’t hang. I had to change it to make my own eyeballs not implode. Oh.. yea and I’m putting captions at the bottom of pictures now. I’ve decided I like the way that flows better than the way I was doing them previously. SO.. don’t be confused!
It’s pretty durn fancy, I must say. I am SO tired of building houses every generation. I would love to time-travel and slap past me for starting that little trend.. among other things.
Right.. SO, in case you’ve forgotten traits and such, (god knows I did) here’s a quick recap of the family for you! I’ll start with Chroma, since she is the only one I control and all that.
Generic_Paparazzi_PBomb_03: That look is atrocious and you’re a disgrace to vampires everywhere! I can’t even say ‘You Suck’ because you won’t even do that!
Rude! She does kinda have a point though. Chroma is probably the worst at being a vampire of any sim ever. Besides her traits being unfitting for any vampire I’ve ever heard of other than maybe the Count from Sesame Street, she also doesn’t have any fangs.. which is kinda one of the major points for being a vampire. (Harrr, points, get it?)
Chroma: They’ll come in someday! I know it!
To be fair, Chroma has never met her vampire father Carey Hemlock-Belle, and the family doesn’t have any close ties with any other vamps.. so it’s not like she’s had any guidance in how to be properly goth, spooky, sparkle OR do that ‘bluh, blu-BLUH’ thing.
Next is our old pal Gurnie – newly retired from Torch-holding status, she’s perfectly content with her robosexuality. She now spends the majority of her time having wrinkly old-lady WooHoo with her best friend and creation: the gender bender robot, Mike Derp. Oh yea.. and she’s the mother of our generation 5 kids, Chroma & Andie 2.0.. that’s probably worth mentioning too I suppose.
I think this is the first time I’ve taken a good look at all of Mike’s stats. He doesn’t really exhibit most of them so it’s hard to tell what they are. Despite the neglect of being in an ISBI family and being trapped in a female simbot body, Mike has been a good partner to Gurnie and father(ish) figure to the kids. He’s been good friends with everyone in the house for as long as I can remember, and I love him for that. For those of you who haven’t played an ISBI challenge.. non-TH relationships usually tend to tank.
Lastly, we come to Andie. Man, I spent WAY too much time on these stupid stat cards. Anyway! Andie is Gurnie’s youngest daughter, and the result of a union betwixt woman and her robot. Mike in his curiosity about human reproduction, imported some special part from Japan online, which he used to interface with Gurnie in unspeakable ways.. and thus, little Andie came into the world.
Her brave trait balances her technophobia out to a nice healthy hatred of any and all technology.. which is unfortunate, since she has to hate herself and her father by proxy. She handles this inner turmoil, by focusing her loathing on the smaller appliances around. The other unfortunate thing about Andie, is that she is perpetually boring, since she also hates going outside. She just reads, sleeps, and bitches about the radio and TV.
At least she has a wicked pair of Rocket-Chucks. This will never get old for me, haha.
Chroma: Dobby! I missed you so much while we were in China! C’mere you cute widdle-kitty-witty-smooshie-wooshie-kins!” *kissy noises*
Chroma: I wuv you so much I don’t even mind that I’m about to spontaneously combust from sun exposure!
Well.. that’s as much intentional attention as the cats are getting for this chapter.. ENJOY IT.
Chroma knew it was time to connect with her biological father Carey. After getting his contact information from Gurnie (who had Mike look it up) – she prepared herself to meet her father for the very first time.
Chroma: What will he think of me? …And why must I love the outdoors so much when it continues to HATES ME SO. *continues to smoulder not in the sexy way*
As Chroma made her way to his house, Carey, in the meantime was re-connecting with his second child and Chroma’s unknown half brother, Chin-Han. Perhaps there is hope for her to have a relationship with her father after all!
Chroma anxiously arrives at the address Gurnie provided her with earlier, her thoughts racing about all the things she wanted to tell the man she was about to finally meet.
Chroma: Hello? Mr. Hemlock-Belle?
Carey: Yea? What?
Chroma: I’m here to..
Carey: I didn’t order any hookers today.
Chroma: No I’m your dau..
Carey: Whatever, come on up. *BUZZ*
Chroma: Um.. Hello?
Carey: Damn, you’re a lot classier looking than the girls I usually get.
Carey: I mean, just look at that rack! *Wolf-whistles*
Chroma: Oh my god.. this is SO embarassing! Please stop checking me out, I’m not a hooker, I’m your DAUGHTER.
Carey: Damn it.. I really wanted you to be a hooker. *Epic sad face*
Carey: Now wait just a second… Who says you’re my daughter anyway? Is it that town bike Jessica Talon? Because I definitely never woohoo’d with her in the elevator that one time, or that time in the public restroom at the park.
Chroma: The public restroom..? Gross!! No, my mother is Gurnie Derp and she only told me who you were because I really wanted to meet you and learn more about being a vampire..
Carey: Oh yea? Well just because your a vampire doesn’t mean you’re my kid. Gurnie probably slept with tons of them and decided to pin it on me since I’m the man, obviously. Look kid, if you want to prove it, you’re gonna have to get warrant for a DNA sample ’cause I ain’t your dad and I don’t wanna be either.
Carey: So, since we’ve established you aren’t my daughter.. can I get a handjob or what?
Chroma: Wow, just wow. Mom was NOT kidding about you being a raging asshole.. and that’s putting it nicely.
Chroma: Goodbye Carey. I really hope we never meet again.
Carey: Yea, whatever bitch. You know you’ll be back for some of this. *Crotch-gesture*
Chroma: I just met my biological dad for the first time and he turned out to be a total douchenozzle! WOO!
Excitable sims.. bringing you annoying ‘Woo Girl’ moments at the most inappropriate times.
Back at the house, Chroma tries to cope as best she knows how.
Andie: What’s up with the plasma binge sis? You’re kinda creeping me out.
Chroma: Sorry Andie, I eat when I get emotional. I met my real father today.
Andie: That bad huh?
Chroma: You have no idea. *Sucks down another plasma juicebox*
After gorging herself silly, Chroma came to the conclusion that she no longer wanted to be a vampire. Having heard about a cure at the science lab – she took a trip across town to check it out for herself. $3,000 simoleans spent and one sketchy looking vial later, she returned home.
Chroma: Really mom? In MY bed. UGH! This day just gets better and better.
I’d be more annoyed at Mike and Gurnie always taking Chroma’s bed, but now that we have a moodlet manager, she never sleeps anymore. Or maybe she just doesn’t want to use the bed because of what they’ve been doing in there. Your guess is as good as mine.
Chroma set the incredibly pricey vial of Vampirism-B-Gone down and studied it for some time. As angry as she was at her biological father, she wasn’t quite ready to commit to becoming human.
Which is really just a nice way of saying that I almost forgot she would lose her vampy quick-skilling powers, which would make her LTW that much more annoying to complete. So uh.. yea. She gets to wait.. for now.
Since everyone else in the house was sleeping and being quite boring to watch, I sent Chroma out to clear some of her easier locked wishes.
Chroma: Bethany Sleep-Kehrer! You’re the most famous con-artist in town and I’ve been wanting to meet y..
Bethany: No time kid, I gotta go to my sons graduation right now. Hey.. weren’t you in his graduating class?
Chroma: What..? No I don’t think so..
Except that she was.. apparently..
Chroma: Good thing I carry an emergency graduation gown and cap on me at all times! You never know when these things might come up!
Of course, this means that the rest of the family gets the joy of being automatically roused from their slumber and sent over to the Public Services Office.
Gurnie: I hope graduation doesn’t start without me!
I hate to break it to her that she’s already like.. 70 years late.
I guess it’s not all bad – the crowd gathering at the Public Services Office gives me a chance to scope out potential matches for Chroma.. only to find out they are related to her in some way or another, of course.
Except for this teen (who is grandson to both Cait & Rochelle AND a great-great grandson of Gargantua & Geobe).
Delvin Smiles-Styx: Please let me see some boobies sim-god, please!
NO. At least.. not unless I can’t find any better options..
Oh, I guess Ramon isn’t related either.. and hopefully never will be.
Ramon: Seriously. One of these dumb bitches is getting stabbed.. and by stabbed, I mean WooHoo’d. With my penis. OH YEA.
Gurnie arrives long after everyone else has already gone inside..
Gurnie: Did I miss the ceremony?!
Kami: Nah, there’s like 10 minutes left.
Gurnie: Oh good, I have time to get something to eat on the way then.
Chroma: Hooray! I graduat..
*Rudely interrupts* Is that… Bubba Derp back there?
Bubba Blackcat-Derp: DUUUURR.
YES. Definitely Bubba. They let him graduate just to get him out of the system. It was getting a little creepy having a 29 year old man in classroom with twenty 9 year olds.
Impromptu family reuinion, GO!
Neal: Hey, you’re my cousin Andie, right? So, are the rumors true? Are you really part simbot?
Andie: Seriously? Don’t you people have more important things to gossip over?
Chroma: Not really. No one has been born out of wedlock or pissed themselves in public lately.
Mike chooses to celebrate his girlfriend and step-daughter’s graduation by laying out some phat beats. This, like most things in life, thoroughly confuses Bubba’s simple mind.
Kami: I know what you did in there.
Tanisha: You know nothing, Kami Wise.
Yea, I went there.
Gurnie: Yay! I’m the oldest high school graduate evar!
I don’t know either. My game just felt it needed to be so, I guess.
Rare shot of all the girls together is rare.
Chroma: Mom! Get out of the way, quick! I have to meet Bethany before she leaves! That’s the whole point of why I was out of the house today in the first place!
Gurnie: So mean to your poor old mother… *pout*
In the end, Chroma was able to complete that one wish.. after an entire day was wasted by the graduation clusterfuckery. Oh well. At least everyone made it home safe and sound with no mishaps, thanks to the ‘call everyone home’ command Chroma issued.
Gurnie: There’s a teenage boy lurking in the bushes out front. Must be for you Andie.
Andie: Yea, he’s just trying to get a peek at me since I’m half robot. I blame the animes kids are watching these days.
Gabriel: Oh crap, she’s spotted me! *Runs off the lot*
Gurnie: Chroma! Your art crap is blocking my window view!
Chroma: Mom, there’s like fifty other windows you could use. Seriously.
Gurnie might be starting to get a little senile..
Another teen stopped by the house in the morning, hoping for a sneak peak at Andie, but came away with a picture of an old lady who forgot to put on pants that morning.
Torey: I am disappoint.
A couple quick announcements that came up..
Sharla and Bubba are a thing now!
Aaand another Spongebaby is on the way!
Her first, Samuel, is now a child – I tracked him down in the wild to get this rare and exclusive photo:
He’d be cute, if he didn’t have such a vapid look. A quick peek into the family tree, shows that he is grandson to Rochelle as well, nifty!
Dobby: I don’t know what the old lady was on about. I can get to this window just fine… I just can’t see out of it.
Chroma mastered painting really quickly, but still has a ‘paint 5 masterpieces’ wish to complete. She has completed exactly 0 of them so far.
The time came all too soon for Andie to age up to young adulthood. Chroma attempted to throw her not one, but two parties earlier that day. However, due to a series of failures on my part at actually getting people where they needed to go in time.. both of them fell flat and Andie ended up taking matters into her own hands.
Andie: Oh please don’t let me grow any new robotic parts.
Chroma: Ehh.. interesting look you’ve chosen there sis..
There we go.
What a pretty young lady she became! She is also now a Virtuoso.
Gurnie marked the occasion by piddling all over her daughter’s new shoes. –5
Chroma: Mom! The toilet is right here.. like 10 steps away.. seriously?!
Gurnie: I’m sorry honey, my bladder isn’t what it used to be since Mike and I started doing this one move with..
Chroma: Don’t finish that sentence. EVER.
Though I wish I could keep her, Andie must be kicked out leave the house now that she is a young adult.
Andie: Bye dad! Don’t worry, I’m only moving up the road to 64 Queensbury. Aunt Kathetyr and Uncle Marcos have invited me to come stay with them for a bit to get to know my cousins Neal and Florence better!
Mike: Please come visit us soon Andie, your mother and I will miss your presence dearly.
Andie: I will, love you!
Rocket boots will forever be cool. They look extra awesome with those shoes.. by the way.
Oh! She also took Smeagol with her. I thought it was neat that story progression made her move in with their extended family .
This seems like a good stopping point, but before I do I want to share one last random thing.
I gave him a fancy makeover and everything. That is.. it was my plan until I got nosy and snooped his family tree, ruining it for myself by discovering he (Shon Belle) is her second cousin once removed. SO disappointing. Finding her a suitable non-relative partner is going to be a real challenge this generation methinks.
To Be Continued!
-5 for Gurnie’s bladder
Total Points: +145