A Sims 3 Legacy Challenge Story

Gnomicidal Maniac

More Derps again so soon? What trickery is this?!

Amit: “This is no trickery mere mortal. With great focus, my mighty sun god powers have given me the perfect camouflage. MARVEL AT MY INVISIBILTY!”

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No.. that would be my blatant abuse of the color yellow on your outfit and in these rooms, which I hadn’t noticed until now.. thanks for pointing that out.

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Amit: I SAID MARVEL!!!

Meep! *Marvels*

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Amit: Much better. In my great and infinite mercy, I shall let you live… for now.

Moments later…

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Amit: *Screams like a little girl* EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!! A SPIDER!!!!

At least he’s entertaining to watch, most non-torchies tend to be pretty boring.. but not this guy!

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Gurnie, in her newfound ghostly existence, chooses to carry on the family semi-tradition of doing plumber work around town. Herb would be so proud.. *sniffle*

Speaking of around town..   I wonder what the townies have been up to..Screenshot-11

This is quite literally the first townies I found.. and that screenshot is disturbing enough on it’s own, it really doesn’t need my help in adding a caption.

But.. just when I think it isn’t possible to get worse..  my game manages to find a way..

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Suzanne: “Um.. where are my pants Mr. Simphony-Striker?”

Midget-Pedo-Brent: “Don’t worry, you won’t need them for the place I have in mind. Come along now little girl!”

That just may be my number-one favorite glitch of all time, if it wasn’t spoiled by my horrible disgusting imagination just now, that is.

Almost immediately after this, Brent was punished by being forced to move into a room that smells like death & mildew in Shady Pines, where he will spend the rest of his days with the rest of the old prisoners people.

Back at the house, Chroma is finally awake so I can do something again.

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Amit: “I am pleased at this attire you have chose for your Sun God today, you look lovely my little lacy-clad-limpet.”

Chroma: “Amit.. exposure to the sun will almost probably kill you. Please tell me you know that, right?”

Amit: “Of course I know that. Obviously that is why I only use my sungod powers indoors.”

Chroma: “I love you, but make no sense to me most of the time, honey.”

Amit: “Speaking of powers.. I have decided to give my blessing to your pussy.”

Chroma: “Uhh.. can it wait until after I’ve had breakfast?”

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Amit: “No, it must be done now! Here you are, ‘El-Gato-Magnifico’, thou art now blessed by partaking of this special treat. My Sun God powers have also revealed to me that the gamma radiation levels in it shouldn’t cause too many extra limbs. I can feel your gratitude already.”

Dobby: Tastes like shit, but no one’s bothered to fill my bowl in days.. so I’ll take whatever I can get at this point.

Aaaannnnyway…

Chroma gets to work on those pesky wishes that have been locked in for a year.

Reach the top of the painter career..

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Check!

She had a ton of her paintings laying around the house, so all the weird ones are sold. There are a lot of weird ones.

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Sabrina’s son Ronny reminds me that he is still alive.. and still making babies. I suspect he is trying to get the Kelly vampire clan size to rival that of the Hemlocks and/or the Talons, since he’s already got 5 other kids, 6 grandkids and 2 great grandkids. The mother, Khalilah is one of Miah’s kids though, so I can’t help but to approve.

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Chroma’s pet Remy (the snake) died about a minute after I remembered he existed. Woops.

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Amit: “Chroma.. we’ve been summoned to some sort of German celebration.. UGH what is that terrible stinky stinkiness?!”

Chroma: “It’s my Re-heh-heh-heeemmyyyy.. he’s deaaaad.” *Wails*

Amit: “That’s too bad.. so, have you seen my lederhosen anywhere?”

Somehow, Amit managed to convince Chroma to dress up with him to go to the German party. Still not sure what their costume theme was, but you know.. couples who, uh.. do weird shit together.. or something. I don’t know.

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Amit: This party is going to be great, right after I take a massive dump in their toilet, that is!

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Chroma: “Honey, I can see other guests through the window and no one else is dressed up for a German themed party.. are you sure you got the right info?”

Amit: “Nope! C’ya in there!”

Turns out he did get the wrong information.. you’d think he’d remember that ‘German’ is actually the name of  his uncle, who also happens to be his best friend, and his boss at the science facility…

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Amit: This is… disgusting!

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Amit: *Howls with rage at the toilet for no real reason.*

The only real highlight of the party was when a fight between Ramon and German broke out for an unknown reason, and Chroma’s cousin Bubba’s drumming accompanied the whole scene.

Bubba: I’m setting the mood!

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Somewhere between leaving the party and getting back to the home lot, Chroma found out some important news she needed to share with her man.

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Chroma: “So, how do you feel about blocks?”

Amit: “I like them usually, unless they are thrown at me.. or cement ones on my feet.”

Chroma: “I mean, like, –baby- blocks.”

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Amit: “If you want to get some baby blocks, that’s ok with me!”

Chroma: *Hormonal-Snap*

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Chroma: “I’M PREGNANT WITH YOUR BABY.”

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Amit: “Oooh… Baby…”

Chroma: “.. I COMMAND YOU TO BE AN EXCELLENT FATHER.. AND ALSO TO GIVE ME A BACK MASSAGE.”

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Amit: “I’m going to be such an excellent father! Would you like a back massage honey?”

If only it was that easy, amirite?

Nraas Story Progression, it’s things like this that make me love you even more:

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Later that morning, despite being exhausted, Chroma had to be sent out to lure Amit back inside the house with promises of WooHoo. Otherwise, I fear he might’ve just stay outside until he became a crispy pile of ash. Moments later, after looking for the family moodlet manager and failing.. the expectation of finding said item and subsequent discovery of the lack thereof led then of course, to this:

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No good deed goes unpunished it seems. A shameful -5 from the torch holder. To compound the shame, I later did find the moodlet manager. it was in her inventory the whole time – I’m just blind, forgot how to use it, and also I think Amit may have been ok outside anyway since it was raining at the time.. pfft.

Amit, equally as tired, made it to bed on his own without passing out. At least someone around here seems to know what they are doing.. even if it is the  insane guy.

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While the sims of the house are boring and sleep the day away, it’s time now to tune in to Big City Kitty Mini-Adventures starring Dobby!

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Dobby: I’m only doing this because I’ve wanted to ‘sniff Florence’ for a year. Also, who the fuck is Florence?

One of Chroma’s cousins, actually.. and I’ve lost track of how many there are now. It’s probably safe to assume most everyone in town is a cousin at this point I think.

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Dobby: I’LL TAKE THE SUBWAY LIKE A BOSS YO.

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Dobby: This was a terrible idea.. I don’t even know where I am right now.. I don’t really want to ‘sniff Florence’, srsly not worth it.

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Dobby: Look! I almost got hit by that cab! Please make this madness stop!

You’re almost there buddy, she’s not far from here, I’m sure of it.. look! There she is now! GO GO GO!

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Dobby: Durrrr. No.

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Chroma, finally awake, had to once again be sent on a rescue mission, since a message popped up that Dobby would be taken away if he didn’t get attention soon.

In the end, Dobby achieved  nothing, besides coming down with a nasty case of the fleas. Chroma.. on the other hand..

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Chroma: FINALLY. *completes year-long wish to wash the cat*

After that, I discovered the possibility of renting out rooms to complete strangers… what could possibly go wrong with that?

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Chroma: “So, I have this really nice spare room to rent out with more than enough space for two. Would you mind placing an ad in the paper for me? The address is 16 Dean Road.. yea, that’s right.. the big one under the bridge. Um.. no, we aren’t trolls, why would you even ask that?”

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Chroma: …Now to buy a high chair, a rocking chair, and of course a horseshoe court in preparation for your arrival little one. Don’t worry little Boo, soon we’ll have plenty of fresh plasma around for you.

Surprised smileSinister! .. but also kind of ingenious..

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…and plenty of cash for me.. er I mean, the Derp family. Wat?

A quick makeover of the spare room upstairs to house the new roomies.. I rather like the big blood splat carpet in the middle of the room, any new stains will blend right in!

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Chroma: OMIGOD! I’m NEVER going to go to Al Simhara now that I’m having a baby!!

Truth. That wish is locked in for lyfe yo. Mostly because I don’t want to risk all the crazy bugs that always seem to go along with traveling.

To make it up to her, I bought her the Immortal Vampire lifetime happiness reward… Ok, AND because I figured I ‘d better do it before I accidently kill her.

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Chroma: The sunlight doesn’t burn anymore, and really, I should be showing you all how thrilled I am right now..  but instead I am just going to stand here all stoic-like, looking amazing in all my glittery glory. You’re welcome.

With sunlight no longer being a literal pain to deal with.. she then waddled her sparkly ass over to City Hall to pick up her service award for being such an amazing painter person.

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Which.. turns out was just another stupid ribbon. Ohyay. *Chucks it on the pile*

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While she was out, the new roomies have arrived at the house. They are subsequently re-named Hans & Hilda Gershtonklefluter. Why? I don’t know.. must have been the outfits they were wearing or something.

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Hans: “Hilda vhat is zis ztrange vatery contraception?”

Hilda: “Vhy zat looks like ze vater tank for ze drinkings and ze vashings.”

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Hans: “Ooohhh jah, vhy didn’t I sink of zhat?” *Fills up a cup.*

These two are going to be a delight.. I can tell.

Side note: I think it’s really cute that Dobbs’ most favorite spot in the house is right there next to the pictures of Andie.

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Now, let’s get back to the stupidity..

Chroma makes a trip across town to break the big news to her mom. Chroma’s half-brother, Chin-Han, photobombs, belches, and farts in the background for.. pretty much the whole interaction, ruining most of the shots I took. Thanks for that Chin-Han.

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Gurnie: “I’m going to be a grandma?! Oh honey, I’m so happ—“

Chin-Han: “BRRRRRRAAAAPPPPP!!!”

Chroma: 😡

Finally, he went inside the Apartments, now maybe I can get some good touching family reunion shots.

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NOPE.

Prostitute: “You gals need ta’ do yer talkin’ somewhurr else. This here’s my corner.”

Chroma: “Seriously? Mom, your neighborhood has really gone to crap.”

Ohhkay.. maybe if we try going inside instead.

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NOPE.

Chin-Han: I herd u want good ‘touching family’ reunion shots. huehuehuehue.

NO. DO NOT WANT.

Chroma: Hang on, let me just tap into my hormonal-bitch powers again..

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Chroma: “GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME CREEP-HAN OR I’LL RIP YOUR FUCKING FACE OFF.”

Huh.. apparently Creep-Han is also part of the growing clan of Kelly vamps now too. I took a look at his family tree, and I’m not entirely sure where the relation is.. but his last name is Kelly-Wright, and Dan’s simself is his Grandpa on his mother’s side.

Since that wasn’t exactly working out as I’d planned.. Chroma is sent back to the house, only to come home to more unplanned events..

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Welcome one Raphael Killian, the Derps’ very first zombie.. and certainly not the last one either. That hat of his kills me, probably killed him too.

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Raph: “Unnnghhhhrrrgghhhhhrrr..”  Translation: “Raphael never forget that time he get killed, then brought back as zombie, then have to claw his way to freedom.” 😦

Apparently since Chroma is a supernatural creature herself, she displays no fear of Raphael. Instead we use this time to continue fulfilling wishes.. because, well we had nothing better to do and he was there.

Chroma: “Great, you’re just in time Mr. Zombie Repair Guy! I just bought this horseshoe pit recently and I’ve been dying to play.. er maybe that wasn’t the best choice of words.. but uh.. yay, come play with me!”

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Raph: “MMmmrrrrrfffgg grruugghh..” Translation: What a coincidence, Raphael was champion horseshoe player in life. He accept this challenge.”

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Copernicus: *spying from the bushes* I thought I buried him ages ago! How is this possible..? *GASP* I must destroy all the evidence!!! *Poofs away in a cloud of magic gnome dust*

Well.. ok then, that explains that.

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Chroma: “Well, that was fun, thanks for playing with me Mr. Zombie Repair Guy. You’ll have to excuse me though, I believe I need to give birth like, now.”

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Raphael: Raphael have enough bad memories for one night, he out of here before he have to see birth mess too. *Shambles off as quickly as he can manage*

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Chroma: “AAAAAHHH!! WHY DID I GET PREGNANT.. WHYYYY?! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?! COME BACK AND HELP ME!!”

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Chroma: “WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! AMIT! COME HELP ME – THE BABY IS COMING! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE?!”

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… He’s being busy watching Dobby be cute with a catnip mouse, of course!

Amit: “This is the best thing I have ever seen in my life!”

Thus, the little bundle of generic-baby-graphic was destined to be born amidst the shrubberies next to the mailbox in the front yard. In keeping with the weird scheme of naming after interests of the parent, she is named Yselle (easle).Screenshot-123

Yselle came with Friendly locked in and rolled Perceptive for her starting traits. Her favorite color is .. grey, she likes autumn salad, and country music. Hopefully she gets more interesting traits later.. because so far, I am not impressed. Her room is so NOT going to be grey either.. I tried, it looked like the never-never-land of never-loading-textures room. Instead, it is pink, because Chroma said so.

Outside nearby:

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Jeremy: “Rrrgglllllllffffggurrrrrr.. urrghhmmf.. mrrggrl.” Translation: “Last thing Jeremy remember was small spiky soup-can creature with hateful yellow eyes.. next thing Jeremy know is finding self buried under azaleas in strange yard.”

Words of Advice to Live By, #53: Never trust a rusted out soup-can gnome.

So.. besides watching the cat.. what else was Amit doing during Chroma’s birthing ordeal?

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Amit: “Huh. Well, what do you know.. Red Bull Plasma really does give you wings.”

Fucking useless.

To Be Continued!

Points: 140 (-5 for Chroma’s pass-out)

Oh yea! One last thing.. turns out that getting old sucks, and I needed to get glasses this year, so I’ve updated my simself a bit. If anyone wants the newest version of my her, she is downloadable right hurr. 🙂

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8 responses

  1. Awwh new Derper! 🙂 and gah Amit is so cute even though he didn’t watch his baby being born! But I’m sure he’ll fall head over heels for his little girl once he finishes his Red Bull Plasma. Gah I can’t wait for more as usual. :3

    08/04/2013 at 7:04 am

  2. Yay for new Derps! Not sure why, but my favourite part of this was Dobby taking the subway. LOL.

    08/05/2013 at 1:30 am

    • Because.. where does he keep his subway tokens? Maybe he has a secret hairball coin pouch? MYSTERIOUS.

      08/05/2013 at 7:43 pm

  3. Horray! The Derps have returned! I can’t begin to tell you how excited I am. I love Amit – his antics amuse me! Also, foreign roommates? Who would have thought the game would do something that epic? I’m guessing that came with University?

    08/05/2013 at 3:09 pm

    • It’s good to be back and I’m so glad to see you’re still around here too. I have sooooo many stories to catch up on, yours included, but I vill do zhis soon jah. 😀

      Yea, the roommate thing is a University add-on, I was hoping the game would send existing sims from the game but these seem to be like random service sims. There’s supposed to be an option to ask other sims if they want to be a roommate though, so maybe I’ll try that next. Either way.. money and free plasma donors for the vamps 😀

      08/05/2013 at 7:41 pm

  4. Finally caught up on this blog…I died at the German roommates. It’s even funnier because my boyfriend is obsessed with Germany for some reason. 😀 Hope to see more from The Derps soon!

    08/08/2013 at 12:20 am

  5. YES THE DERPS ARE BACK?!?
    I love Amit. He’s so unpredictable.

    Also Dobby! I’m so excited to see him again!

    That baby is going to be beautiful. And bloodsucking.
    So awesome that you’re back. Can’t wait for more!

    08/10/2013 at 7:41 pm

  6. Oh gawd, so much Derpyness to get caught up on…fram it, I’ll just have to do a re-read from the beginning.

    02/03/2014 at 4:30 pm

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